Sophomore Year in Review: Building Confidence

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*Editors note: This post was written just before finals week. It seems like a long time ago already, yes?

Finals week has not even begun yet, and life feels like such a whirlwind right now. Since I’ll be studying abroad next semester in Copenhagen, I guess I’m feeling a little nostalgic. I think about Sophomore-me in September, and how much has changed since then. I have grown into a more mature young woman, who is more confident in her abilities, and not afraid to take advantage of opportunities. But, I definitely could not have achieved so much all on my own. I have a whole support group of people to be grateful for. As I navigate my time here at college, I have found there to be some truly amazing individuals who are willing to help guide me on my journey.

Some of you may be curious what the result of last week’s self-designed Writing major issue is. I still am waiting for the committee to reconsider my proposal, which they will do at a meeting next week. However, in the meantime the Scripps community has shown their support for my major. After meeting with a few concerned Writing students last weekend, we wrote a petition for the Scripps community to sign in support of self-designed majors and minors, addressing some of the changes that had been proposed by the Faculty Executive Committee at Scripps. Over 400 individuals signed the petition in support of our concerns. This has been encouraging, and I am proud of how the Scripps community has come together to voice their opinions. Moreover, I am grateful to Professor Drake, because without her dedicated help, the major would not be possible. She has supported her students 100 percent of the way.

Last week, I had also had the fortune to give a tour to an editor of a major news outlet because of Rosa, a mentor I have through my job at the Office of Communication and Marketing at Scripps. While on the tour, I was able to ask questions about journalism and learn about what a job as an editor entails. This gave me a great opportunity to network for future journalism opportunities. However, I would not have been able to have such a great opportunity without Rosa’s support. Earlier this year, she also encouraged me to write articles for national media outlets including The Huffington Post. I have always known that I love to write; but Rosa taught me to not be afraid to share my writing with others and to take advantage of writing opportunities.

As I began my Sophomore year, I still was not sure if a self-designed Writing major would be right for me. My family, friends, and boyfriend all encouraged me to pursue what it was that made me the happiest. For me, that’s writing. It’s always been writing. And yet, it took me a while to be able to say with confidence: “I’m going to be a self-designed Writing major.” Through the help of others, I am not afraid of what the future has in store for me.

First-Year Balance and Beyond

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As my first year of college comes to an end (a brutal end at that; finals sure are grounding), I reflect on all that has happened this past year, all that I have learned and become, and all that is now familiar to me, and I look forward to what comes next.

I feel like a first year of college is not something easily forgotten. It’s among the most eye-opening, stimulating, overwhelmingly terrifying-yet-wonderful times of life. The opportunities are endless in the community of driven, bright, unique, and passionate people. College is where intellectuals flock to exchange everything from music to ideas to book recommendations to social commentary in an environment unlike any that existed before and any that could ever be replicated again. Recalling my first year navigating through this incredibly stimulating environment reminds me of the single afternoon I spent alone at the Met in New York last summer—there were too many wonderful collections and beautiful pieces of art to see, too many people I wanted to share my experiences with, and too little time to do it all. Yet, despite being astounded by the sheer volume and quality of what was offered throughout the exhibits, I managed to weave my way through the halls, spending time with what piqued my interest the most and admiring all that I could.

A first year of college offers so much that begs to be experienced. Knowledge is everywhere, begging to be delved into. Yet, we cannot choose everything.

As I begin to consider how I want to color my sophomore year, I am trying to balance what I love, what I am interested in, what I find to be fun, what I want to learn about, and what it I feel compelled to do. This means trying different things than I did this past year, but also building on what I have done to continue to give back and learn in this community in enriching ways. I cannot get involved in everything. I decided I want to take five classes next year, but that means I had to cut some other co-curricular activities. I am taking on positions with more responsibility in some of my out-of-class involvements, which means my schedule will end up being more locked down than this year. Despite the give and take and the loss and gain, I am looking forward to a new batch of endless opportunities.

The most important thing I have learned this year is simply just to go do. Do what makes you happy, what helps you grow, what might be intimidating at first, but always what you think may help you develop into the kind of person you want to be, in every respect. There’s no reason not to try what interests you at least once, you never know what may catch your fancy!

Proud to be a Self-Designed Writing Major.

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Ever since deciding to become a self-designed writing major, I’ve dealt with skepticism on occasion from friends, family members, and acquaintances. Aren’t you afraid you won’t be successful? You can’t beat J.K. Rowling, that’s impossible! What’s your backup plan? That’s reassuring.

In the past, I’ve politely been able to deal with such statements with a smile, and an explanation of how I am interested in journalism, publishing, or maybe even being an author some day. (Gasp! The horror!)

I have no doubts; I’m happy to be following my passion for writing. I hope everyone can follow his or her passion. I don’t want to follow my backup plan. I did not, however, expect this same skepticism to come from my own college. But, when I received a letter stating that my proposal for my self-designed Creative Non-Fiction Writing major had been rejected, this is precisely what happened.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, talks about doubts that others have about writers in her TED Talk “Your elusive creative genius.” She describes how when she told people she wanted to be a writer, she was met with the same skepticism. She further explains how after writing Eat, Pray, Love, which later was turned into a movie, she was met with even more doubt from others about her ability to write additional successful works in the future. She asks an important question in her talk:

“What is it specifically about creative ventures, that seems to make us really nervous about each other’s mental health, in a way that other careers kinda don’t do?”

The question is part joke, part truth. She makes the valid point that we tend to only cast doubt on creative careers, rather than careers based in mathematical or scientific fields, like chemical engineers. And yet, everyone has the potential to be successful or to fail. So why do we believe that all writers, or other creative individuals, are doomed to fail?

Meg Cabot, who wrote The Princess Diaries, which later became one of my favorite childhood films, gives advice to aspiring writers on her website. Some of it isn’t all that encouraging. She writes:

“Don’t tell people you want to be a writer. Everyone will try to talk you out of choosing a job with so little security, so it is better just to keep it to yourself, and prove them all wrong later.”

The saddest part is, I know this to be true.

But back to my self-designed Creative Non-Fiction Writing major: at first I was shocked to find out that my proposal had been rejected, and began to have some doubts about my own future. I know writing is what I want to study, but to have my proposal rejected definitely wounded my own self-confidence. After meeting with my adviser, however, I quickly regained this confidence. I know what my passions are, and I know that I will follow them. Sometimes obstacles can show up, like a rejection to an initial proposal. But these can be overcome; I will resubmit an improved proposal, with some changes and additions. So, what have I learned? Never give up on the things you believe in most. I know myself better than anyone else, so why doubt myself just because others do? I am proud to be a writer.

 

Tentative (but pretty much decided) summer plans

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Confession: I only applied to one summer internship program at a battered women shelter. I’m waiting for them to pencil me in, so to speak, for an interview sometime this month.

Happy related confession: Although the internship has not been officially secured (eek fingers crossed) I’ve been talking with the people who work there and it is confirmed that I will be working with them one way or another over the summer and very possibly beyond.

If I’m honest, which I’m trying really hard to be, the reason that I didn’t apply for more internships is because I really didn’t want to. I just hate filling out applications, waiting for responses, and composing formals emails. But, mostly, I hate the filling out apps part. It takes so much time and effort to package and present myself in metaphorical glitter, ribbons, and scented paper in an effort to be the most appealing candidate. Just, uugghhh. Obviously, I’m going to have to deal with it because they are as inevitable and as undesirable as taxes. But in all seriousness, I went through over 300 internships on The Gateway and most of them just didn’t feel quite…right. Props to everyone who did find and got really awesome internships that way, seriously, it’s impressive. For me though, I couldn’t shake my amplified aversion to applications this semester. Just as an explanation to why I applied to that one internship: Part of it was due to very personal reasons. The other part is that what they do there is important and necessary, the values that they stand for are values that I believe in and care deeply about, and that the community they serve is my community.

Okay, now that my dislike for applications is off my chest, the other part of my decision to not apply to more internships is that I wanted to start my own hands-on project that would have tangible effects. I mean the point of paying a ridiculous amount of money for a liberal arts education is kinda so that the things I learn here are going to be applied in real ways out there. So the specifics: I’m going to start a radio, or podcast, program specifically for showcasing the fictional, nonfictional, and everything in between works of the women who are or were incarcerated. This project was inspired by my Core II class on the prison system during which we had the amazing opportunity to participate in a writing workshop with the women at the women’s prison in Chino. Attending the writing workshops, meeting the women, and hearing their stories really got to me. Theory never takes precedence over experiences and their experiences told stories of strength, suffering, courage, and hope. Serious work needs to be done to reverse the dehumanization of people who are or have been incarcerated. They are so much more complex, more genuine, more talented, more thoughtful, more insightful, more resourceful, just so much more than an identifier heavy with stigmas such as “prisoner” can ever convey. I am very excited to be able to serve as a medium through whom their authentic voices can be amplified, spread, and most importantly heard by more people.

There are obvious perks that come with starting my own project. Some things that come to mind include the autonomy over my own work, the exciting (and equally scary) process of learning from doing, the rewarding results, the interactions with real people instead of ideas, and the working in PJs in the comfort of my own bed with the glorious Cali sunrise. (I’m a true early bird especially over the summer.) Also, no applications needed.

Gracious Reflections

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It takes a whole village to raise a child, so the proverb goes. In my experience, the same help is again needed as the nineteen-year-old villager flies the nest for the first time in pursuit of her first internship.

This week, I finalized my plans to work at an environmental nonprofit organization based in Sacramento. I would not be in this position had it not been for the help I solicited from countless individuals. (If this were an awards show and I was giving my thank-you speech, I would need to continue well past the point when the background music begins to play, ushering me off stage.)

I need to thank previous coworkers and colleagues who helped me gain the experience that has prepared me for this internship. I need to thank the CP&R team for helping me collect myself and all my necessary documents and connections. I need to thank my father, an environmental lawyer himself, for always piquing my interest in environmentalism and for talking with a colleague about his experience as a graduate at Pomona. I need to thank this man for being interested in a Scripps student and recommending that I get in contact with this nonprofit organization he helped build, giving a recommendation to me along with the nonprofit’s contact information. I need to thank the nonprofit’s executive director for taking time to speak with me about the opportunity and eventually offer me the position. I need to thank the communications team at this nonprofit, with whom I will be working closely, for helping me develop a project that will benefit this organization. I need to thank the faculty in Claremont for helping me parse through my thoughts regarding my professional and academic interests. I suppose that when I lease or sublease an apartment in the state capital, I’ll have to thank those renters too. And most of all I need to thank my entire family, for their multidimensional forms of support as I prepare to live my first summer away from home.

I feel that this internship truly marks my real first step into the light of my future career. Sometimes I wonder: besides my responsibilities and my heightened knowledge and awareness about what goes on around me, am I so different now from who I was in that bygone age of childhood?

I remember elementary, middle, and high school Stephanie so clearly. I sometimes refuse to accept that I am not that person anymore. When I celebrated my nineteenth birthday a month ago, away from home, family, and without my customary homemade cake, I panicked as I felt a great divide fall between my current self and my youthful self. A final year of teenagedom!

My first blazer. I chose one that was not so serious to mitigate the emotional baggage that comes with purchasing my first piece of true professional attire.

Honestly, it was not until I purchased my first blazer online two weeks later that I finally came to terms with my age and all the responsibilities that come with time. My family called me on my birthday, and they have been with me I have navigated the tricky waters towards my summer internship opportunity. If there is one thing I have learned after all the triumphs and travails of my first-year experience, it is that lamenting over the past is silly. As times change, we change, and the obligations we have adjust accordingly, the one thing that we can always count on is the support system we have sought that has made us who we are today. And there will always, always be people we can turn to for help. I look forward to my summer internship with great enthusiasm, and I cannot wait to share my experience with all the people who helped me land in this position in the first place.