Confrontation is the most foreign concept to me, but last week, I decided to give it a try. There are a lot of things I want to change in the world, but to do that, I’m going to need to speak up. When I told two friends about what I was thinking, one said, “Are you PMSing this week, or did you just become a badass?” (Then, of course, we spent five minutes discussing whether or not the question was problematic. #ScrippsLife. I decided I liked it; equating PMS to badassery is great in my book.) However, when I attempted to confront some problems in a meeting, a friend mentioned after that she hardly noticed that I was “calling them out.”

My confrontation style is… well… not confrontational. What’s scary is that in that meeting, I felt so far from my comfort zone simply because I was pointing out a problem and asking for someone to do something about it. I wasn’t asking for anything unreasonable and I wasn’t being demanding. Merely the idea of asking made me uncomfortable.

As I thought about my non-confrontational confrontation style, I remembered an article I read about how often women use the word “just.” Ever since I read that article, I proofread everything I write and almost always find myself deleting “just” once or twice, particularly from emails.

• “I was just wondering if I could have that by tomorrow?”
• “Were you planning on coming to the meeting? Just curious!”
• “I’m just following up about the interview.”
• “I was just thinking that it might be a good idea to finish the project early.”

WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN TO BE “JUST” THINKING?! Nothing. These “justs” were unnecessary. I was doing exactly what Ellen Leanse described in her blog post: asking for permission.

I don’t like to ask for things and I don’t point out problems. I hint at them or request permission to point them out and voice my opinion. But I want to stop filtering my opinions. I want to voice my point of view without any hesitation. I’m not going to go around judging everyone and insulting people. I’m going to remember that my opinion is valuable and I don’t need permission to share it. People don’t have to agree with my ideas, but my thoughts are worth discussing.

I want to delete “just” from my spoken vocabulary as well as my written one. I wonder what would have happened if, when requesting that someone send some information to me, I said, “Could I have that by tomorrow?” Rather than, “I was just wondering if I could have that by tomorrow?” I’m not asking anything unreasonable, yet my hesitation may have given him that opportunity to avoid the task, which left me with way too much work.

Before I leave Scripps, I want to learn that I don’t have to ask permission or hesitate when confronting problems because I have even bigger ones to solve in the “real world.” If I waver there, I could miss my chance. If I can’t do it here, where we savor our feminist discourse and revel in discussions where our beliefs are challenged, then I can’t do it anywhere.

I’m taking Leanse’s advice, “Then, to riff Nike: well…. ‘Do it.’” Is anyone else up for the challenge?