In debate, we try to develop full arguments, with assertions followed by reasoning, evidence, and significance. The same is true in most college writing. In the rest of life, most of us speak just in assertions–statements of opinion without much to back them up. In the workplace, being assertive is good, while being seen as argumentative is probably unfavorable. This is kind of silly wordplay–after all, nouns and adjectives have different connotations all the time, and labeling aside, the elements of sound argumentation (reasoning, evidence, etc) are key to workplace success. But somehow these words float in my head when I think about the tension I feel as a young, assertive, and yes, argumentative woman.

I’ve been debating formally since freshman year of high school, and informally for much longer. Seven year old Mia had some truly eloquent speeches about why reading Harry Potter throughout math class was acceptable behavior. As I grew up, I was always an enthusiastic participant in classroom discussion. Supposedly many girls quiet down in the classroom around puberty, but I discovered feminist blogs in middle school, and if anything, got louder.

Now in the workplace, my verbal confidence is mostly an asset, but I’m always tiptoeing at the edge between confidence and impudence. This is my first internship in which I’m regularly participating in meetings and email conversations with adults who have significantly more professional experience than me, but who essentially treat me as one of the team. I’m conscious of my status as an intern, but I also want to add value, which I can’t do with my mouth shut.

I talked to my mentor at the organization about this tension, and she told me that when she began work there, 20 years ago, she was told that she was too quiet. She was actually prompted to attend a leadership development program for women. Her advice, based on the organization’s culture, was to always speak up in meetings, even if it was just in agreement.

So I’m trying my best to not mute my voice, to be professional but fierce. It’s a balance I know how to strike in other areas, but it’s still adjusting to the strictly professional world.

Has anyone been told they are too argumentative or too quiet in the workplace? Is anyone else deeply afraid of the send button on email?