Voicing Major Concerns

Do you know that friend that can never make a decision? The one who always asks, “well, what do you want to do?” or “I’ll do whatever you think is best”? That’s definitely me.

Don’t even get me started on trying to order dinner at a new restaurant. I’m always the one who asks to go last and anxiously looks over all the entrées so anxious I won’t pick the right one that I can’t choose at all. In the end, I’ll usually ask for the waitress’ favorite, and order it even if it’s something I’m not sure I’ll like.

My indecision isn’t reserved only for eating out or plans with friends. Even in class, I will be so concerned that a conclusion I have come to will be incorrect that I often simply wait to hear someone else’s answer. In grade school, simply being able to regurgitate information verbatim wasn’t an issue. But, as college class conversations climb further into the theoretical realm, it has suddenly become painfully clear that I am not comfortable contributing.

All this indecision stems from not feeling confident in my own ideas and contributions, and has compounded itself to the point where I am not even confident in making decisions for myself. Namely, choosing a major. Even looking at the long list of majors to choose from sends me into a panicked tizzy. I can barely digest the requirements of any major I might consider out of some strange fear that I will choose the wrong one. (Of course, not understanding what I’m getting myself into is one of the best ways to make a wrong choice.) I am left hoping that someone else will speak up and make this choice for me, allowing me to simply fall into line.

But in reality, I need to be the one to find my voice and confidence in order to choose a major that I will find fulfilling.

In class, I am trying to build my voice through several different tactics. In courses where I feel particularly shy/quiet, I sometimes bring a few fun-sized pieces of candy in my backpack. I’ll treat myself with a Kit-Kat or a Reese’s when I speak up, despite my worry that my contribution won’t be genius enough for the discussion. (This will work even better after Halloween – swing by my room in Toll for some motivational candy if you’d like!)

I have also gotten in touch with several incredibly kind professors who have made it easier for me to speak up in class. One teacher in particular suggested that I create questions based on the reading before class and send them to her over email. She then lets me know which questions will be best to bring up in class to help contribute to the continuing conversation. In office hours the other day, she shared with me that she often felt the same way in college, not confident sharing thoughts with the class that seemed to have a much more developed critical vocabulary than she did at the time.

In sociology, I left almost every lecture feeling the (very few) contributions I had made were completely off the mark and useless to the discussion. It wasn’t until I met with my professor just the other day that he let me know that he felt my comments were always well constructed and had been immensely helpful to the class’ learning.

Hearing this positive feedback from my professors is an incredible reminder that I do have valid and important thoughts that deserve to be voiced. Knowing this has given me a confidence boost that extends itself to all aspects of my life, including choosing a major.

I’m definitely not quite ready to proclaim my major to the world tomorrow, but I am one step closer to trusting my voice.

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