Sometimes, we experience stress from realms outside of academics. We can feel anxious when our extracurriculars, our social activities, and family lives fall out of sync. That’s life: We do our best to prepare for known events, maximize our potentials, and hope for the best. But there are certain parts of life that are unknown and out of our control.

A couple weeks ago, I was coming out of Mudd dining hall. I had just had a great dinner with a friend, and was about to finish homework for class the next day. I texted my mom, as I do every night, asking if she wanted to talk on the phone. She immediately called me, and told me my grandfather had passed away.

I remained silent on the line; his passing was so abrupt. I didn’t even know how to respond, let alone process the news. Her agony was palpable, and I thought vocalizing my grief would only make hers more severe. I tried to be “strong:” After pausing a moment, I tried consoling my mom. I could not let her hear the quivering in my voice, or feel the shaking throughout my body.

That night, I carried out my traditional routine. I went to work and socialized with my colleagues, studied at the library, and went to bed. With a busy schedule and just a week until fall break, I didn’t allow myself the luxury of slowing down. I tried to suppress my heartache, for both my own sake and the sake of others around me. I buried myself in my studies, so that I wouldn’t have to acknowledge my destroyed, raw emotions.

The next day, I continued as if nothing had happened. I went to my classes, exercised, and started my homework for the evening. In the midst of an econ problem set, I couldn’t study anymore. I had to take a walk. Maybe a five-minute stroll would clear my head. I plugged in my earbuds and toward my dorm. As soon as Elton John’s gentle piano-playing on “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” began, I couldn’t deny my feelings anymore. I called my mom, and bawled for hours. I cried myself to sleep that night.

For nearly a week, I couldn’t bare to be around happy, smiling faces. The basic functions of college life became impossible: Going to class, staying current on assignments, and even socializing with friends was exhausting. I knew if I were honest with my friends, they’d comfort me. They’d understand I wasn’t feeling my best, and try to help me feel better. But I wasn’t ready to talk. I wasn’t ready to be seen or to share my story. I needed to be by myself: Whether I was eating, exercising, or simply watching TV, I needed to do it alone.

Then, one afternoon, I channeled my woes in the most productive way I knew how: I wrote. I wrote an ode to my grandfather, recalling my fondest memories of the man who taught me how to play pool and poker, who was a big powerful judge on the outside but a big softy on the inside, and who loved Phantom of the Opera and Gone With the Wind. I sat outside on a warm afternoon, sipping tea and listening to his favorites: Van Morrison and Jackson Browne. As soon as I took this moment to remove myself from my surroundings and address my emotions, the pain began to slowly subside.

This moment taught me the significance of taking time for ourselves, especially during a moment of grief. When we endure unexpected shocks, we must find our own methods to process and heal. Everyone handles adversity differently, whether it be by surrounding yourself with friends and family, or by locking yourself away for a while. Even in our fast-paced college environment, we must find time to acknowledge these events, address what and how we are feeling, and understand what we need in order to recover.

I advise you: If you’re going through a tough time, and need to clear your mind and heal, do not be afraid to advocate for yourself. Whether it be by requesting an extension from a professor, or asking a friend to meet and chat, do what you need to make you feel better. There is nothing more important than one’s health: Allow yourself that moment to step outside of your routine, and maybe not do homework for one night. Taking the time to reconcile from hardship will not only help you process your emotions; it will also help you to thrive in all aspects of life.