I have always been extremely close with my family.  I am the oldest of four kids, and my parents and siblings are some of my best friends.  I love them dearly, and I am so lucky to have them all as my constant support system.  My family lives in Ventura County, which is roughly an hour and a half west of Claremont.  I typically see them every two to three weeks, and I love meeting up with them for meals and special days at Disneyland.  Those days are filled with laughter and emotional warmth, and those feelings are even more heightened when I go home for semester breaks.  As most college students do, I relish the comforts of home: home cooked meals, a familiar mattress, my own space, and the list goes on.  There is a feeling of wholeness that I associate with being home, and the warm and fuzzies get me every time I walk through the front door.

However, when I go back home for breaks, I have an incredibly difficult time saying goodbye to my family when returning to school, even as a senior who has gone through this process what feels like a million times.  If I’m being honest, going abroad to Ireland last semester was easier than coming back to campus this Thanksgiving.  When it gets to the end of the semester, this process gets even more difficult because it feels like a prolonged break is so close but still just out of reach.  I return to campus feeling numb, overworked, exhausted, and overwhelmed.  Basically, I get back feeling either the same or worse than I felt upon leaving for a supposedly “restful” break.  Yes, break is restful, but it instills in me a sense of dread upon returning to a stereotypically restless space.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Scripps.  I have wonderful friends, feel intellectually and personally supported, love my room and my classes, and overall, have had a very positive college experience.  But as I’m sure many students can attest, growing and learning at such an academically rigorous institution can feel all-consuming and completely exhausting.  These feelings are important to recognize, at least for me, because accepting and acknowledging them as valid and real helps me to deal with them healthily and productively.

I have tried for years now to tell myself to buck up and pull myself up by the laces of my Keds upon my return.  I tell myself to stop crying, focus on my work, pour my heart and soul into classes and finish out the semester strong, but this process has never really worked for me.  If anything, this mindset just makes me feel even worse about coming back to school.  Beating myself up about being sad just beats me down further, and this is incredibly counter-productive to my jumping back into my school routine.

Because I pride myself on being a driven, motivated person, I have now learned how to work within my own parameters and support myself to most healthily streamline my return process.  At the core of this type of self-care is the idea of listening to my body and its needs.  If I need to cry, I cry.  If I need to sleep, I sleep.  If I need to pass on a “welcome back” dinner with friends, I do so.  I give myself time and space to adjust, and by being honest with myself about my needs, I am more easily able to transition back to life at Scripps.  Through providing myself with the support and comfort that I obviously need, I can spend one day recouping rather than three weeks in denying my needs, breaking down, and subsequently having to piece myself back together.

I have a hard time leaving my home, pets, and family, and that is okay.  For all of you that don’t, that’s okay too.  When it comes down to it, it’s not a competition of who can hold it together and who can’t at any given time.  It’s about how we understand our states of wellness, and the healthy methods we use to restore ourselves to our most positive states of wellbeing.  Self-care is so incredibly important, and I encourage all of you reading this to listen to your bodies and care for their needs.  Be gentle with yourselves going into the end of the semester, and remember that even through exams and papers, there is an end point, and getting yourself across that finish line is the real goal.  When it comes down to it, we are more than the sum of our grades, GPAs, and resumes, so supporting the beautiful person that creates those things is the first, last, and most crucial piece of the puzzle.  Be gentle, be supportive, and ultimately, just be you.