Job vs. Marriage: Is the order important?

“I don’t want to marry someone if I don’t have a job first!” Doesn’t sound like something that a 5 year old would say, does it? Believe or not, this statement was a little 5 year old girl’s claim to fame on YouTube. She strongly proclaims that she isn’t going to marry someone unless she has a job, even if the man “comes running out” asking her to marry him.

If you haven’t already seen this video, be sure to check it out here. (It’s only 46 seconds!)

“If he says ‘I will not come back to you’, FINE! I’ll find a different man. This is my life!” She strongly believes that her future husband should support her career because that is the most important thing to her. And, if he doesn’t accept that her career comes first, she will simply find someone else. Easy, right?

There are millions of cute videos on YouTube, why did this one in particular get over 5 million views? I think because the topic of career vs. relationship hits home to a lot of people. It certainly made me think. Especially at Scripps, we are in a constant dialogue about the balance between work and family/romantic relationships. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve filled out surveys asking questions like “If your husband got a new job, would you be willing to move for him?” or “Do you agree that it is a woman’s job to stay at home to care for the children?” Ultimately, I feel like we’re all secretly being pushed to select the “right” answer. At Scripps, you better not say you think that it is the woman’s sole responsibility to care for the children. You better not say that a man should earn more than a woman. You better not say that a woman should give up her career for a man. Because those are the “wrong answers”…at least in my mind.

It feels like we’re forced to have strong opinions about these topics. It’s like there is a bellowing voice saying “Attention all Scrippsies: you must be able to articulate your thoughts on the work-family balance…or else!” But…what if I can’t? While writing this post, I actually had a very hard time formulating any firm thoughts about the work-family balance. Sure, there are some things I’m sure about: not once have I ever thought that I would have to choose “relationship” vs. “career.” While I believe that both relationships and careers take significant time and energy, by no means do I think that a choice is in order. But isn’t it so much more complicated than that? Yet that makes me feel inadequate because I really don’t know how to express any coherent thoughts about it. I have to trust that when I’m faced with a real-life situation about balancing my career and relationships, I will be able to make the decision that feels right for me in that moment. But I can’t say “this is how it is” for everyone or in all situations.

What do you think about having a job before getting married? Is that important to you? Do you know anyone who believes that having a job is not as important as being married?

The benefits of LinkedIn: Job opportunities knocking at your door?

I have a plan for next year…so what do I do now? Sit on my bum all day? Of course not! (Well, okay, somehow I have watched a fair number of Friends episodes, but we’ll leave that a mystery). Life has relaxed a little bit since deciding to take my job in Denmark. I recently booked my one-way ticket to Copenhagen (a very scary reality check) and I am now in the process of applying for my visa, which is proving fairly difficult.

Turns out that new jobs are becoming a family trend – my mom, dad and I have all accepted new jobs within the last two months. And the funny part is that my mom wasn’t even actively looking for a new job. Let me explain – my mom took on a year-long contract job with a not-particularly-interesting company, doing not-particularly-interesting work, but needed a job to hold her over until she could find something more fulfilling and permanent. She planned to stay with this job until the contract was over in February 2012, and then continue looking for a more career-advancing position. But one day she got an email from a familiar company. The woman said “I found you by searching on LinkedIn. Your profile is very interesting and I’m wondering if you’d be interested in talking to me about this position.” And it turns out that this position and company are exactly the kind of work that my mom was hoping to do after her contract job, so obviously she took the opportunity to interview and ended up getting the job. Can you believe it!?

Usually, we don’t think of jobs coming knocking on our doors. Of course we say that you’re the one responsible for going out to find opportunities, talk to people, apply to the job. And I don’t think that the message of my mom’s story is that you should just put information on your LinkedIn profile and some wonderful company will come find you. Because that doesn’t happen every day. But what I think I have learned from my mom’s story is that part of your career/internship search should be making sure that you are findable online because companies do use that information.

I think we’re now mostly aware that it’s important to know what information is online connected to our names. I just went back to my Facebook privacy settings and double checked that everything was “Friends only” – use this as a reminder that you should go check too! But I think that LinkedIn remains a mystery to a lot of us college students – we know that it is kind of like a mock-Facebook used for more professional purposes. But what is the benefit of adding a summary of our skills and experiences, or joining groups, or adding people to our network? Well, for one, you may get a potential job out of it (isn’t that enough motivation?). I also think that if your potential employer does see that you have a complete online profile, they will know that you are serious about your job search, have invested time in establishing an online presence, and are an active part of the online career community. I know I am impressed when I see another student’s LinkedIn profile complete with a summary, recommendations, and an substantial number of connections.

Here is a nice summary of how to use your LinkedIn profile to enhance your job search.

A couple of these points are particularly important:

1) Editing your profile – this may seem obvious, but try to include substantial information about your past experiences and jobs. You can take the information straight off of your resume! Try to provide detailed explanations of what you did in the position, just like you did on your resume.

2) Adding a professional summary – this is your opportunity to define yourself overall. Try use some key words that you think might be useful in a search – for example, “non-profit”, “communication”, or “marketing”.

3) Join relevant groups – just like on Facebook, groups are a good way to connect to people who have similar interests or experiences as you. And one of the many benefits of joining groups is that you can message fellow group members, even if they aren’t in your network! (Thanks for that tip, Valinda!) For all Scrippsies, remember that you can join the Scripps College Alumnae Association, even if you’re a current student.

So, the lesson here is that you can use online social media sites to benefit your search! It doesn’t mean that you should sit back and wait for the job to come to you (although my mom was very lucky!) but why not utilize all of your opportunities to be discovered!?

 

Jeg har et job i Danmark!: I have a job in Denmark!

My brain is trying to wrap my head around what I’ve just done. I’ve written a lot of emails in my life, but few have sent extreme chills through my spine. I’ve rarely cried after pressing “Send.” But this time…this time was definitely different.

I can’t keep it quiet any longer…I GOT A JOB! And not only did I get a job, I got my DREAM JOB. And not only did I get my dream job, I just ACCEPTED my dream job!

So, what is this dream job you may ask? Well, it’s quite a long story, actually…but let me take you back to Spring 2010, when it all started. During my spring semester junior year, I studied abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark through the Danish Institute of Study Abroad (DIS). The program is one of the most well-known study abroad programs in Europe, and has around 650 American university students enroll each semester. I was part of the Psychology and Child Development sub-program, along with about 75 other students. While a student there, I learned about an internship program where DIS hires former students to be the program assistant for each of the different sub-programs. The intern is kind of like the “face” of the program in general: whenever I needed anything or had an issue or question, I talked to the current intern. And as time went on, I become more and more interested in the role that the intern played in the organization – what did she do exactly? Did she like it? Is this a possible job for me in the future? Naturally, I wanted these questions answered, so I took the time to sit down with the current intern and ask her about her job. She gave me a lot of insight into what the awesome parts of the job and some of the challenges, but overall it was obvious that she enjoyed it. I put all of this information in the back of my mind.

Then, a young woman named Jen led one of our study tours, but none of us knew her (normally, the intern and/or our class professors led the tours). Turns out she was an intern a couple years ago, met and fell in love with a Dane, and moved to Denmark permanently. (It’s certainly not uncommon for Americans to fall in love with Danes, or want to live in Denmark…what’s not to love?) Even though I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her while we were frolicking (I mean…studying) on our study tour, Jen and I ended up having a 4-hour coffee date when we got back to Copenhagen. We talked about everything from her experience as an intern at DIS to horseback riding. And once again, I stored all of this information in the back of my mind. Something was telling me I would need it later.

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Moving home after graduation? Only if…

The reality that I’m graduating hits me at different points –I have moments of “Oh my gosh what is going to happen! Please don’t let me graduate” and then I have equally strong moments of “I’m so done with college, let me out into the real world!” As we know, I’ve made one big decision: I’m not going to grad school right away. But now I’m onto an even bigger decision: What do I want to do?

As I sift through job postings and think endlessly about my “perfect job”, I realize that I have so many questions about what it is I actually want to do. I checked out “The Don’t Sweat Guide for Graduates” from CP&R, and sifted through all of the things I “shouldn’t sweat”. Two tips caught my eye: #2: Give yourself some breathing room, followed by #12: Try volunteering. I would love to do those two things!

This led me to a brief period of time when I thought that the perfect plan would be to move back home and somehow find activities that would qualify as “career-oriented.” But then of course that little voice in my head said, “Hannah, no, you can’t move home – you have to start to be a real person and be independent!” I bet there are tons of seniors who at least contemplate the possibility of going home after graduation. And I definitely don’t think that going home is a bad thing, but I don’t think it should be the automatic answer when the job-search going gets tough.

While I was in one of the panic don’t-make-me-leave-college moments, I called my mom. I walked in circles outside of the library. It was freezing and my hand started to hurt from holding the phone to my ear for so long. (Okay, maybe it’s not freezing, but cold for Claremont). But I had to get her advice on my new-found moving home plan. Thankfully, my mom’s a great listener and advice-giver.

According to my mom, coming home for a brief period of time is an option. However, whatever I end up doing during that time must have a purpose. So, if I decide that I want to focus on volunteering, I have to think about what purpose that will serve me in my career in the long term. For example, I might volunteer at a Bay Area children’s hospital in the child life department and have a part-time job. But, why would I spend my time doing unpaid work? Only if it had a purpose.

Even though Child Life would hypothetically be a good career for me based on my other experiences working with chronically ill children, I have never actually been exposed to the profession. So how am I going to find out if my future career might include Child Life? Volunteering in a child life department! After much research, I have learned that the first step in fulfilling all the requirements to be able to apply to become a Certified Child Life Specialist is volunteering. So that’s where I’ll have to start. And who knows? Maybe that experience will confirm my suspicions that I will love the field, or maybe something about it will steer me in a different direction. Either way, investing time in that volunteer experience has a purpose.

Of course, I still don’t know what I’m doing next year. But, I’m recognizing that even though there are multiple options (including a brief stay at home), the focus of my decision should be answering the question “How will this experience help me in the long-term?”

Did you move home after you graduated or know someone who did? What was the outcome? What were the benefits? Challenges?

“I think it’s cool that people will call me doctor”: Decisions about grad school

As my friend and I were walking down Elm Tree Lawn, we spotted an adorable Labrador Retriever and her owner, so obviously we stopped to pet the dog. (College students are often severely pet-deprived and therefore appreciate any animal interaction.) While enjoying the smiling, loving pup we started a casual conversation with her owner. Immediately upon hearing that we were both seniors, the question came. You know the one I’m talking about. “So, what are you doing next year?!” It’s always asked so innocently, but somehow always strikes such a sore nerve.

My friend made the decision to go straight to graduate school after Scripps to get a Masters in both Social Work and Public Health. She was just accepted to one of the best programs in the country, so she knows that she’s at least going somewhere but isn’t 100% sure where yet. For her, answering this question may be equally annoying, but at least she has a clear answer.

“I’m going to grad school,” she said with ease.

“Oh how wonderful! And what about you?” asked the dog owner, shifting her attention to me.

“I, um, I’m looking for a job,” I sheepishly commented.

“Oh! Well, good luck!” A not-uncommon response these days.

It’s not necessarily that I mind answering the question, and in fact I think that by being asked more frequently, I am becoming more comfortable with my response. But, this moment was probably the millionth time that I’ve thought about my decision to not go straight to grad school. Usually I am the kind of person that knows exactly what I want and go straight for it, and this feels like the first time in my life where I truly don’t know where life might lead me. There was definitely a lot of pressure around the decision of whether or not to apply to grad school. Continuing school is a very attractive option: it’s a solid and reliable plan, it feels “safe”, and it avoids the job market. Sounds great, right? So why didn’t I apply?

The short answer is that I don’t know yet why I would be going. As of right now, I know that I am interested in clinical psychology, nonprofit administration, and higher education but there isn’t a clear direction for me in terms of how having an advanced degree would help me pursue my future career. I love school and learning, so it was extremely difficult to give up the possibility of being a student next year, but I know that if I went I wouldn’t be doing it for the right reasons.

Speaking of going to grad school for the wrong reasons, I found called this funny video called “So you want a PhD in Clinical Psychology?” You could probably find a similar video for many, many professions, but I found this one particularly relevant to me. A senior psychology major goes to talk to her professor, who has a PhD in Clinical Psychology, expressing her own interest in pursuing the same degree. The professor proceeds to tell her all the reasons why it is a horrible idea to get a PhD, and encourages her to take another path instead.

My favorite line is when the student says, “I want a PhD. I think it’s cool people will call me doctor.” Good reason to dedicate a substantial amount of time, energy and money to graduate school? I think not. I appreciate that the professor is really honest with the student about the challenges that she might face in her pursuit to be “called doctor.” However, I think that the professor could have given her some more constructive advice about how the student should have some real-world experiences to support her endeavor to pursue a PhD in Clinical Psychology. In any case, I’m glad I’m not the student in the video. I think she would be sorely disappointed with her decision to stay in school.

Even though the decision not go to straight to grad school was a difficult one, I hope that my experience in the next few years will help me understand the benefits and reasons behind pursuing an advanced degree. One thing’s for sure, I’m not going to grad school just so people can call me doctor.