“I don’t want to marry someone if I don’t have a job first!” Doesn’t sound like something that a 5 year old would say, does it? Believe or not, this statement was a little 5 year old girl’s claim to fame on YouTube. She strongly proclaims that she isn’t going to marry someone unless she has a job, even if the man “comes running out” asking her to marry him.
If you haven’t already seen this video, be sure to check it out here. (It’s only 46 seconds!)
“If he says ‘I will not come back to you’, FINE! I’ll find a different man. This is my life!” She strongly believes that her future husband should support her career because that is the most important thing to her. And, if he doesn’t accept that her career comes first, she will simply find someone else. Easy, right?
There are millions of cute videos on YouTube, why did this one in particular get over 5 million views? I think because the topic of career vs. relationship hits home to a lot of people. It certainly made me think. Especially at Scripps, we are in a constant dialogue about the balance between work and family/romantic relationships. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve filled out surveys asking questions like “If your husband got a new job, would you be willing to move for him?” or “Do you agree that it is a woman’s job to stay at home to care for the children?” Ultimately, I feel like we’re all secretly being pushed to select the “right” answer. At Scripps, you better not say you think that it is the woman’s sole responsibility to care for the children. You better not say that a man should earn more than a woman. You better not say that a woman should give up her career for a man. Because those are the “wrong answers”…at least in my mind.
It feels like we’re forced to have strong opinions about these topics. It’s like there is a bellowing voice saying “Attention all Scrippsies: you must be able to articulate your thoughts on the work-family balance…or else!” But…what if I can’t? While writing this post, I actually had a very hard time formulating any firm thoughts about the work-family balance. Sure, there are some things I’m sure about: not once have I ever thought that I would have to choose “relationship” vs. “career.” While I believe that both relationships and careers take significant time and energy, by no means do I think that a choice is in order. But isn’t it so much more complicated than that? Yet that makes me feel inadequate because I really don’t know how to express any coherent thoughts about it. I have to trust that when I’m faced with a real-life situation about balancing my career and relationships, I will be able to make the decision that feels right for me in that moment. But I can’t say “this is how it is” for everyone or in all situations.
What do you think about having a job before getting married? Is that important to you? Do you know anyone who believes that having a job is not as important as being married?