Ask Me (How I Would Like) to Dance

 

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 Art by Emily Audet

This weekend, I went to Mudd Goes Madd, and while I was dancing with my friends, a male student came up behind me, pressed his body into mine, placed his arms on my waist, and began to dance with me by guiding my hips to move synchronously with his. This description may seem insignificant to a college student since this behavior is commonplace and even expected at dances at the 5Cs, and from my understanding, U.S. colleges in general. This interaction, though, is problematic for two main reasons.

Firstly, the individual who initiates the contact does not ask for consent before dancing with the other person, as Rose addresses in her article “The Problem With Party Culture”. In addition to being nonconsensual, the person being approached often does not know the identity of the other person, for the student who begins contact usually approaches from behind.

Secondly, ‘grinding’ itself, in the way that I have experienced it, is dehumanizing even when it is consensual, for the person in the front essentially sacrifices the agency of their own body. The person behind uses their hands to guide the movements of the person in front in order to give themselves more sexual pleasure while typically ignoring the desires of the person in front. The person in the back is also able to have a full visual of the person in front, yet the individual in front cannot see what the other is doing and, often, who the other person is.
Let’s change the dance culture at the 5Cs starting with ourselves. Let’s make sure that we ask for consent before we dance with others, whether we are male or female, and let’s ask our partner how they would prefer to dance. Let’s look out for our friends and make sure that they are consenting to dance. Let’s stop grinding if we do not want to. If you find grinding enjoyable and empowering, grind away as long as you have consent! I, however, know that when I grind with another person it is not because I enjoy the act but because I feel a societal pressure that grinding is the way I am supposed to dance with a guy. Let’s turn around and face our dance partner if that would make us feel more comfortable. Please comment below with any of your ideas on how to make college dances more enjoyable for everyone involved! Hopefully, by making these changes, we can create safer dance spaces at the 5Cs.
emily   Emily Audet   
  Staff Blogger Scr ’17
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