“Cool means being able to hang with yourself. All you have to ask yourself is ‘Is there anybody I`m afraid of? Is there anybody who if I walked into a room and saw, I’d get nervous?’ If not, then you’re cool.” — Prince
With nearly less than three weeks before graduation, it has become more surreal that I will soon be leaving Scripps. After finishing my senior recital last weekend, I had a moment of static happiness and joy for something that I had put so much time and effort into. What my audience may not have known about was the callouses on my left fingers, the self-doubt of walking on staging and crashing despite the 2-5 hours I spent practicing daily, the inner reflections that emerged out of isolation in a practice room. But through this preparation, reframing the self-undermining uncertainty into positive self-talk, I have been able to become more comfortable with myself and confident in working on areas of personal growth.
Senior year has taught me a very important lesson in being my own cheerleader, striving to relentlessly love myself through hard times and celebrate myself after completing amazing (big or small) feats. My support network has been nothing but compassionate, caring, and always there when I called upon them. At the end of the day, all the advice, guidance, mentoring, suggestions, and affirmations that I was told by others, could only do so much. All these words, while important and I am immensely blessed for, would only push me to take initiative if I believed them fully and truly, telling them to myself as well. I have always been a huge self-critic. This semester, my inner cheerleader has really had its challenges, through numerous job rejections, unanswered phone calls and emails, feeling isolated from people I love the most simply because we are not in the same situations.
As I prepare to move across the country, I have been reflecting about this transitional period, this crossroads of my life. I am lucky to have arranged an apartment, two temporary and part-time jobs, and a support system in DC. But this has all been an immensely circuitous process, for many reasons out of my control, despite having done all I could do in the proper moment and time. Never have I ever felt so much hard work without any payback or relief of it all “being worth it.” One of the most difficult things has been to talk to my inner critic by also being my biggest cheerleader, especially when I needed to withhold my feelings inside myself for fear of them not being received fully by another person. To anyone who is in limbo about a summer internship, post-graduate opportunity, or simply feeling the flux and vitality of a changing environment during this busy time; You are not alone, your thoughts and feelings are valid, and you are strong.
Congratulations, seniors, on turning in thesis and rounding the final lap of our college careers. The future isn’t just bright, it’s blinding, and I hope whatever the next steps are, you are wildly excited, celebrating yourself, and being your own cheerleader.
