Have you ever met someone that made you feel small and inexperienced? I don’t mean the people who bully you into feeling worthless and intimidated. I mean someone whose presence is just powerful, grounded, and steadfast. Someone who commands attention with every syllable. Someone who radiates experience and knowledge. I had the opportunity to talk to someone like this several days ago and it was unforgettable.
I was asking her questions about the radio show, trying to gather all the advice and feedback I can get before going in the studio to record which, fingers crossed, will be happening soon, like next month soon (woah and eek but yay). I fully expected a short chat about the topics, the name, and other various details. Instead what I got was a conversation over an hour long that was one of the most memorable moments of the year.
I approached the chat with an all-business attitude. It was simple. I wanted to tell her what I’m doing and where I would appreciate her feedback. It seemed like the most efficient way; I had expectations and in my haste to align the present with these expectations I neglected the human interaction side of things. At the start, I was closed off and not particularly receptive to what she wanted me to learn from this conversation, what I really did need to be reminded of, which was how to listen. Of course I didn’t zone out during our conversation but I wasn’t listening in the sense that I was not responsive to the conversation as it flows. I had an agenda and I kept by it tenaciously until it hit me at some point that, even though she didn’t explicitly say it, she wanted me to calm the hell down, listen, really listen, to the person speaking, and navigate conversations in a way that both participants are cool with.
You’d think that I would already know that. I thought that I knew that. I’ve talked with many people about the same topic I talked to her about with the same tactic. All were pleasant and helpful conversations but none taught me how to interact with others. Everyone had really thoughtful feedback but her advice was two-fold. She told me repeatedly to ask tough questions and taught me, via the nonverbal elements of the conversation itself, how to engage, interact, and be in the moment. It’s difficult to fully articulate the conversation beyond the facts of what was said. I hope this makes sense.
Communication is fascinating. There is the level of what is spoken, of words being tossed back and forth, and then there is the unspoken that runs like a current underneath the words. I have to be receptive to both because that is how successful conversations happen. I usually am sensitive to the less tangible aspects of conversations in my personal interactions. I always check in on my friends’ moods when I talk to them because how they’re feeling, in combination with how I’m feeling, is going to inform and influences how this conversation is gonna go. This process is usually unconscious and automatic. However, this sensitivity is dulled in professional conversations because I tend to think of them as more of a formal exchange and less of a conversation. And yes, while these are definitely more formal, effective communication still requires the same sensitivity to the person(s) you’re talking with.
Live and learn right? It’s really the motto of my entire summer experience thus far. No one has ever said that either is going to be easy or comfortable but from experience I can say that both are worthwhile.