Respecting Boundaries-Your Own and Others’

Before coming to Scripps, I had always been under the impression that in such a studious college setting, there would be virtually no partying and, as it is a women’s college, cases of sexual assault would be virtually nonexistent. From the outside, the Claremont Colleges do not give off a party college vibe. But just because young students leave home and enter the world of adulthood, it does not mean that they will renounce all risky behavior or know how to deal with situations that can lead to more serious events. It is important to educate women and men to be safe and respectful in their treatment of others while not infringing upon their newly acquired freedom.

Recent statistics have shown that 25 percent of college females will experience some form of sexual assault by the time they graduate. What is more frightening is that only about five percent will ever report these assaults. This may be largely due to the blame-the-victim complex many women assume after being assaulted. Blame also falls upon our inability to recognize the thin boundary between what is within our comfort zone and what is not.

The Scripps College Student Safety Department defines assault to be “actual or threatened physical contact with a person’s body without the person’s consent” and states that “sexual assault is an assault which includes actual or threatened contact with a person’s genitals and/or breasts, and/or attempts to disrobe a person fully or partially.” The department also defines “rape [as] sexual assault in which an object (usually, but not always, a penis) is forced into a bodily orifice, e.g., it may be genital, anal or oral [where] the primary motive is not sexual gratification, but rather, to dominate, humiliate, and/or injure.” The key word here is “consent,” because it is ultimately the defining boundary between what is within our comfort level and what is not. Until we give someone else the consent to be in our personal space, that other person should not, by Scripps’s definition, have the right to violate it.

The number of men at 5C parties I’ve attended who thought it would be all right to grab any girl at random and start explicitly dancing with her was mind-blowing. It was obvious that the touching was not wanted, and there was no any respect of personal space. Some women would make it clear that such behavior was not wanted, but others did not seem to mind and kept dancing.

When I asked one student about her negative experience at a party, she said that it “was disgusting, and came very close to sexual assault.” Another Scripps student interjected that although it was definitely a violation of someone’s personal space, it could not fully be considered sexual assault. After talking to students, I realized that unless the situation at hand was a very clear case of aggressive, unwanted and unyielding physical contact it is hard to classify what counts as sexual assault. It is an especially difficult situation because we are often hesitant to level such a serious accusation toward someone. Accusations can put people under scrutiny, so the prospect of reporting a sexual assault case and facing possible humiliation is daunting. Afraid of being cast as overly sensitive, we find it difficult to stand up and say that some behavior is not okay.

As a college dedicated to empowering women, Scripps spends a great deal of energy ensuring that all students are aware of their surroundings; in addition, students have resources available to support them in the event of an assault. During New Student Orientation, all students are required to attend a seminar where they learn the basics of self-defense and assault prevention. First years meet with Lauren Roselle, who founded ESTEEM, a company devoted to helping women learn self-defense and assault prevention. Many students also have the opportunity to take self defense classes at Scripps.

Yet I still feel that part of the solution is missing. Sure, we may learn to practice safety tactics and perfect that “slap, grab, twist, pull” technique, but what about the men? What role do they play in this very complex equation, and how can they be educated about the boundaries of sexual assault?

Scripps Senior Bere Nava created the “It Ends Here” organization which brings students together to talk openly about assault issues. During their weekly Thursday meetings, members meet to discuss forms of sexual assault, how to prevent these situations from happening, and how to act if you find yourself in that situation. “It Ends Here” stands out from other organizations because of its goal to partner with more male-centered organizations.  It also wishes to make it clear that any and all forms of sexual assault are unacceptable.

It may seem a little strange at first to be enrolling men in classes about sexual assault prevention, but we need to remember that while men are often the perpetrators, they can also prove to be our greatest allies.  Until boundaries are set, understood, respected and reinforced by both parties, sexual assault and rape will continue on our campuses and others.