When did I say I wanted kids?

Ever since I can remember, adults have told me things such as “You’ll understand when you have children” or “You should save those toys for when you have kids.” Parenthood has always been a when, not an if, for me and – from what I have heard of others’ experiences – for many other people. Becoming a mother has always been presented as a definite part of my future, even before I was able to make a decision whether or not I wanted to have kids. After discussing this issue with others, I think that the expectation to reproduce is not only placed on females, but on virtually everyone.

This tendency to assume that every young person will eventually reproduce is distinctly tied with the current heteronormative culture (not to mention the ableist culture since the presumption assumes that the person will be able to reproduce). The dominant culture in the US today assumes that everyone will grow up to participate in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship and reproduce with their partner and that they want to participate in this lifestyle. If, as feminists, we seek to eradicate any normalizing of a person’s sex life, then the tendency to assume future parenthood should not be ignored. We need to stop assuming that a person will have kids unless he or she says otherwise. Hopefully, taking this pressure to reproduce off of people would help to decrease heteronormativity.