Meet Arm

I’m only speaking from my own experiences—I’m in no way speaking for the whole queer community.

WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

Queer. I personally hate the word lesbian and don’t identify with it. To me, a lesbian is a person who lives in Greece on the island of Lesbos. But, people can identify however they want. For me, it’s too restrictive and limiting because it conflates gender and sexuality. I look at them as separate from each other, but working together at times. My gender identity has been evolving. When I first came out, I would have identified as a lesbian. Over the summer, I began to explore my gender identity more and started to identify as a soft butch. I’ve recently started to embrace the terms gender-queer and transgender. You can see how the term lesbian, as an identity category, doesn’t work because I don’t feel comfortable identifying as a woman. With the word queer, you can be who ever you want and love who­ever you want.

WHEN DID YOU FIRST REALIZE THAT YOU WEREN’T STRAIGHT?

There are several stages in the “typical” coming out. I went through the first stage around age 12. I had a crush on my science teacher. I was just really obsessed with her, but back then, I didn’t recognize it as a crush. Growing up, I had crushes on guys because that’s what was expected. I had them on girls at the same time, but I didn’t recognize them. My attraction to people was never sexual. It was just this intense obsession, wanting to spend time with them.

I went through the second stage during senior year of high school. I went back and forth between identities. One week, I’d feel this great internal pressure to tell someone that I thought I was gay, but the next week I’d convince myself that I was straight. When I got to Scripps, my peer mentor’s roommate was gay. In meeting her, I began to talk about my sexuality more and went through the third stage. At the very beginning of freshman year, I came out to my mom and home friends. My coming out story in a nutshell: before frosh year—“gay?”, frosh year—“gay”, end of frosh year—“gay!” I took Intro. to Women’s Studies, and that kind of blew my mind open. I decided to major in Gen­der Studies to have a better understanding of sex, gender, sexuality, and how they inform one another.

HOW DID EVERYONE REACT TO YOU COMING OUT?

Basically, it was like “duh,” or “finally,” or “I knew that.” No one was surprised. It was anti-climactic. One friend pre­tended to be surprised. Everyone was supportive and hap­py that I was embracing my sexuality, and I am extremely grateful for this.

HAVE YOU EVER CLASSIFIED YOURSELF AS GIRLY?

I’ve never really thought of myself as girly. I’ve always wanted to be androgynous. In elementary school I had re­ally short hair and got called a boy. I decided to grow it out in middle school. That was me conforming to societal pres­sures. In high school, that’s what you do because you don’t know any better. I always hated long hair. The only person who ever really liked it was my dad. It used to be halfway down my back, and then I cut it shorter and shorter. Each time I cut it, I was like, “Oh, so much better.” At the end of senior year, I had really short hair. If I didn’t wear earrings to work, I would get called “sir” a lot.

HOW DID YOU REACT TO BEING CALLED A BOY IN ELEMEN­TARY SCHOOL?

It was interesting. I’d never say, “I’m a girl.” I’d say, “I’m not a boy.” Instead of affirming my female identity, I de­nied my male identity.

WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

Aimee Renee-Mills. My first year at Scripps, this senior started calling me ARM as a joke, and it stuck. Over the summer, I was meeting new people and introduced myself as ARM. I thought to myself, “Why am I feeling more com­fortable with this name than my given name?”

DO YOU LIKE YOUR GIVEN NAME?

No. I’ve never liked it for many reasons. I’ve always want­ed to change it, mostly because it’s spelled weird and no one spells it right (Aimee is pronounced like Amy). ARM is much more fitting for me now.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR BODY IN ANY WAY?

Yeah, growing up I was a chubby kid, so I always had neg­ative body image. Scripps really did change my life and continually does. Before coming here, I had low self confi­dence. I never really found myself attractive because I had been trying to portray this image of someone I wasn’t. I never really felt comfortable in feminine clothing. Now, I only shop in the little boy’s section. I think I look hot and I love it! I have so much self esteem now. At the same time, I’ve become more dissatisfied with the female aspects of my body. It’s hard to conceal my large chest—I can’t pass as male. Today is the first day I’m wearing a chest binder. It feels like a tight hug all day. I feel like I’m loving myself.

HOW HAVE YOUR PARENTS INFLUENCED YOUR BODY IM­AGE?

My dad was really critical of my body. He once said, “Oh, you’re starting to get a double chin” and made me cry. He’d say stuff about my hair when I cut it short. My mom herself has really bad body image. Growing up in that envi­ronment, I had no role model to say, “You look great, don’t even worry about it.”

CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL BODY THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO HAVE?

I would have really buff, but defined, arms. I love my legs. I would leave those as they are. I’d want less hair on my toes, but more armpit hair. I’d want a flat chest and nar­rower hips. My face is great. I love my hair. I wish my hair would just grow in purple. I want a tattoo somewhere, someday, and more piercings.

CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE IDEAL BODY THAT YOU WOULD WANT A ROMANTIC INTEREST TO HAVE?

I like them to be around the same height as me. I’m not really that picky. I like someone with a little meat on their bones—something to grab onto, someone healthy, who takes care of themselves. I also really like girls with hair on the shorter side. But you can’t help who you fall for. So I could say this stuff and fall for someone who is the opposite. Facial piercings are hot. I like girls that are a little more feminine in style than me, but I’m just gener­ally attracted to queer people, no matter what their gen­der. What’s most important is that she feels good about her own body. Last year, I dated a girl who had really bad body image. I tried not to let it affect my own body image, but at times it did. I would think, “If she has those standards, what does she think about me?” It’s easier to compare and contrast bodies when you are a same sex couple, which could lead to unhealthy body image.

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU LOOK FOR IN A SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

They have to laugh at my jokes. They have to get my sense of humor. That’s a big part of who I am, and I see myself as funny. I like to laugh and be laughed with.

WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL OR WOULD YOU RATHER EMBODY A DIFFERENT ADJECTIVE?

Studly, handsome, or gorgeous, that’s gender neutral.

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL THE MOST STUDLY?

I just bought my first tie the other day. I tried it on with a shirt—I rolled up the sleeves—and a sweater vest. I loved it. I looked like an English school boy with purple hair and piercings. I love preppy clothes that are usually worn by straight, white men. I like subverting norms. As for an activity, impromptu dancing is my favorite—the kind where you’re not trying to look good or get with anyone.

WHICH OF THE ACTIVITIES THAT YOU ARE INVOLVED IN WHILE AT SCRIPPS COLLEGE WOULD YOU SAY EMPOWERS YOU THE MOST?

The Motley, duh! The Motley has been such a catalyst in my transformation here at Scripps. So many of my mentors and greatest friends have been a part of the Motley. Being a manager has helped me to gain confidence with myself and my opinions. Before, I didn’t really like to speak up as much, but now I talk in class and am more confident in what I have to say. The Motley is just a great welcoming space, and you can do with it what you want. I’m really exploring that this year. I have a plan to start a subversive T-shirt company. I’m going to apply for a sponsorship and display the shirts in the Motley. The shirts are going to have slogans that I think of when I’m bored in class, like “This is what queer looks like,” “Don’t be a patriarchal tool,” and “Scripps is a single-sex institution, not a girl’s college.” That’s going to be my final project for my Queer Studies class.

WHAT IS THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU WANT TO DO BE­FORE YOU DIE?

I want to go over the rainbow and get the pot of gold, then bring it back and disperse it equally.