To Do it or Not to Do it: Virginity in Modern Movies

Although we may have much more liberal ideas about human sexuality today, young women are still chained to the term “virgin” in a multitude of ways. Some girls are still taught that their virginity is something to be cherished and to be given away at the right time. But in many narratives for young men, such as the films Sex Drive, Superbad and American Pie, losing virginity is a quest aided by good buddies, during which all sorts of crazy high jinks occur. This quest usually results in a victory and bonding experience. Losing virginity makes a guy cool, while for a girl it is anything but that.

“In films, losing virginity is portrayed as something that tears female relationships apart, while it brings male friends closer together,” writes Piper Weiss, a staff editor for Yahoo! Shine. Where is the logic in that? In films, it is rarely a positive experience for female characters, and, if there is happy ending, if any, it “usually sews up the mess the girl created by having sex in the first place.”

There is a double standard in the concept of virginity: that a girl must lose hers the “right” way, while there is not nearly the same pressure on a boy. And why do we use the term to “lose virginity?” Why is it something to be lost? It is because we are still tied to antiquated notions ofvirginity, notions tying a girl’s sexual history to her value.

“Virginity has historically been used to aid in the commodification of women: a woman as a ‘pure’ vessel is a valuable, marriageable commodity, while the one who has been tarnished is no longer worthwhile” writes Lux Alptraum, a writer and sex educator currently the editor for Fleshbot. Because strains of this idea are still pervasive in society today, women are further objectified, making them seem like a kind of product. And when someone is reduced to that status, they are less likely to be afforded respect.

In the film Easy A, an update of American classic The Scarlet Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne, the protagonist Olive creates an elaborate lie about losing her virginity to satisfy her overbearing best friend. Later, Olive fakes having sex with her gay friend in order to protect him from bullying. The outcome of this particular incident is that Olive is shunned as a slut, while the friend’s status as a man is affirmed positively.

By the end of the film, Olive comes clean about her lies, realizes how ridiculous the concept of a slut in high school is, stays a virgin, and gets the guy. But the ultimate message of the movie is troubling because, as Dodai Stewart, senior editor of Jezebel.com, writes, “It seems that for girls today, even on film, you can talk about sex, pretend to have sex and joke about sex–but if you want a happy ending, you can’t actually have sex.”

The virgin/whore complex is not always so black and white. While in high school a girl may risk her reputation by having sex, by the time college rolls around girls are expected to be sexually experienced, or at the very least, not virgins. These conflicting expectations can negatively affect body image. Many girls report feeling that they would be singled out for being sexually experienced in high school, yet they feel inadequate in college for lack thereof.

Most young women have been offered the tired cliché: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” The idea is hammered into their heads that a girl is less desirable, or is not worthy of being wanted, if she is not pure. Young women are rarely offered “sex-positive” messages: like that the right guy is not someone who will want you because you’re pure, but someone that will love you, not despite, but for all of your experiences, good or bad. Ideas like this improve self image because they focus on loving yourself and not conforming to a narrow standard that society demands. The media also perpetuate the idea that teenagers who have sex are damaging themselves and engaging in risky behavior, yet a study at UC Davis and University of Minnesota shows that “teenagers within a committed relationship are no more likely to ruin their transcripts than those who abstain.”

Hopefully, someday “rather than asking teenagers—or even ourselves—to uphold some arbitrary standard of ‘purity’ (or, on the opposite end, ‘virility’), perhaps we should be teaching them to be true to themselves, their morals, and their desires,” writes Lux Alptraum. Sarah Morton, an abortion activist, encourages that “rather than focusing on being ‘sex-positive’ perhaps we should work on simply being positive, a body-friendly mindset that leads us to valuing our sexuality as a part of ourselves.” This approach ignores societal expectations, creating positive body image by appreciating a diverse set of experiences and not creating standards against which to measure oneself. The focus should be on the individual, and it should not matter whether or not someone has had sex, or how or when they have sex; because at the end of the day, it’s nobody’s business but one’s own.