“Yes, No, Maybe:” Exploring the Realms of Kinky Sex

“No. Hell No! Give me like a negative five!” I shouted over my two friends’ boisterous laughter.

“Yeah I’m gonna have to go with zero,” said one friend while my other friend stared thoughtfully at the computer screen.

“You’re actually considering doing that?” I asked.

“Well I wouldn’t want it done to me, but I’ll give it a three because I wouldn’t mind doing it to someone else,” she reasoned.

As my friends and I continued to explore the infamous “Yes, No, Maybe” list and burst out in hysterical laughter at which sexual acts we would or would not engage in, I started to realize just how multidimensional sex can really be.

Sex is pretty awesome on its own accord. Yet, after a few months or even years of engaging in the same position, sex can start to feel pretty dull. And all I know is “sex” and “dull” should never be in the same sentence. So, what can you do to spice up your sex life? I have two words for you—kinky sex.

In middle school and high school sex education classes, we are taught to see sex as a one-dimensional act; the penis goes into the vagina, and that’s it.  And sure, that is one way of having sex, but in fact, sex is a multifaceted art that can include a combination of people, sex organs, costumes, and positions among other things.

When it comes to having good sex, however, there is so much more to it. While “good sex” is a relative term that varies from person to person, communication and mutual pleasure are always at the base of it. In order to engage in kinky sex properly and pleasurably, communication is key because it will help to facilitate mutual pleasure. Then, as soon as you know it, you will be having great sex in no time.

What makes sex so fascinating, besides the immense amount of pleasure, is the wide variety of ways people can be turned on. Anal sex, clit slapping, bondage, and nipple twisting are just a few on a long list of ways that people are turned on. Yet, what turns one person on might be a horrifying experience for another, which is why communication is so essential.

It is also crucial, however, to voice your desires, and your restrictions in a healthy and positive way. Bondage, for example, might seem dangerous and scary to some while exhilarating and sexy to others, which is why it is important to remember that there is no one right way to be turned on. So, be careful not to judge or criticize your partners when deciding what to add to your bedroom repertoire.

In the anecdote I shared earlier, my friends and I were exploring the “Yes, No, Maybe” list which is a compilation of a variety of sexual acts. This list started in the BDSM (Bondage and Domination, Sadism and Masochism) community and has been picked up by sex educators and experts to help facilitate communication among sex partners. How this list works is that you and your partner rate the listed sexual activities with a number that reflects your desire to include this act in your sex life.

After completing the list, individually, you and your partner go over each other’s answers and see which answers you are in agreement with and what you would be willing to negotiate. You are also more than welcome to go through the list together with your partner as well.

This list allows lovers to be open about what they enjoy while also creating a safe space to discuss the things that might not be acceptable. Doing this list with friends also makes for a fun night in, while helping others learn what kind of sexual acts might be worth exploring.

Kinky sex is not for everyone, though. For some, just participating in vanilla sex, which is engaging in simplistic sexual acts that do not have any element of fetish or kink such as missionary, is preferable. The important fact is that sex will always be what you make of it and it is crucial to communicate what will make both you and your partner feel good.

So, give the “Yes, No, Maybe” list a try and let’s continue to open up the discourse on sex in American society. If you are interested in learning more about kinky sex and fetishism, check out the social networking site Fetlife.com or our very own 5C Claremont Kinksters group. As always, have fun and be safe!

Editor’s Note: Although many versions of the “Yes, No, Maybe” list exist, this can be used as an example.

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