Normally when you introduce yourself to someone new you don’t naturally start with a taboo subject. Usually I try to put my best foot forward; expose the confident parts of my self. But that’s exactly the opposite what I’m going to do. So, here we go.
Hi, I’m Hannah and I just received my first rejection letter…ever. As a senior with a plan to have a “real-person” job next year, I spent the majority of winter break researching organizations and job opportunities with the hope that I would somehow apply to numerous jobs before I came back to school in the middle of January. We all know the end of that story…it didn’t necessarily happen the way I pictured in my head. But I did manage to put two applications together. I felt extremely confident about both of the applications; I was perfect for the job in so many ways, it would be impossible for them to reject me! I was invincible. My reality check came a few weeks later.
The letter read: “After giving careful consideration to your application, you have not been short listed on this occasion.” I thought to myself, “I’m sorry…what!? No way this is happening!” I came to realize, however, that my experience of receiving my first rejection letter strangely mirrored the stages of grief after a loss. (Psychology major nerd alert!) In a sense, this rejection was a loss for me – I had quickly gotten my heart set on this job and told many people how perfect this opportunity was, but I had to let go of that dream.
The first stage is denial – “I feel fine”, “This is isn’t happening to me.” Check! I definitely went through that part. I read that letter over and over again, just in case somehow the words had magically switched around to say, “Congratulations we would love to have you in this position!” Somehow that didn’t happen, yet I didn’t want to let go of the fact that maybe this was all just a mistake. I couldn’t have been rejected from this job…right?
Unfortunately the answer is right. My invincibility was shattered and I was certainly upset about it. Anger, the second stage of grief, is often accompanied by thoughts of “Why me? It’s not fair!” I felt like I had prepared an outstanding application, asked for “strong letters of recommendation”, perfectly tailored my resume to the job and yet I didn’t get called for an interview. During this time, though, I didn’t keep my feelings to myself. While it was tempting to just go about my day neglecting the letter, I actually told many of my friends. I know there’s a lot of shame around rejection in general, but I think one of the best decisions I made was to be really open with my friends. Admittedly, I have wonderful friends, but I think everyone can find support in sharing their difficult experiences with someone. I also had to tell my references that I didn’t end up getting the job, which actually forced me to talk about it. One of my references, a Scripps admission counselor, told me how one of her earliest rejection experiences actually turned around and she ended up getting the job anyway!
The process of outwardly talking about rejection not only let my denial and anger subside, but I believe it also let me skip the third stage of grief, depression, and move onto the final stage, acceptance. Directly after a rejection, it is natural to go through the phase of “I don’t want to do anything anymore. Why bother apply to any more jobs if I’m just going to get rejected?” But when I shared my news with my friends, we all reasoned together that these things happen and it’s important to keep a positive outlook and apply to other jobs too. So, here I am, on the other side of rejection. I’m alive. And I didn’t just survive, but I used this experience to open the doors to actually talking about rejection and not keeping it a secret. Hopefully in my very-near future there will be a mixture of rejections and acceptances, but I know that whatever type of letter or phone call comes my way, I am ready to handle it.
That wasn’t the right job for you, in one way or another. When you spend time on the other side of hiring, you’ll find that some applicants are highly qualified, wonderful people, who just don’t have the right combination of skills.
Five years out of college, I look back on rejections with relief, ’cause I ended up in the right position for me! When you’re hired, it’ll be because you were the right one for the job. It’ll happen!
Thanks for the encouragement, Camille! I appreciate it!
I think the mistake you are making it is calling it a “rejection letter”. I would bet the word rejection is not contained anywhere in the letter. Rather than feeling rejected, realize that the company that you applied to has a very specific view of the person they are looking for and are looking for specific criteria. What ever the reasons may be, they decided that based on the information you sent them, you do not fit that criteria. You could always call these places and ask for the HR Department, then ask if they would be willing to discuss with you what was or wasn’t in your resume that deemed you not a candidate. Some people will tell you, some people won’t. You decided you were “perfect for the job in so many ways”, and perhaps there was information you missed or didn’t know about that made this a misconception. Don’t worry – the right people will see you as the wonderful, talented job candidate that you are and will appreciate what you have to offer!
Thanks for the advice, Linda. You’re right – the word rejection was not in the letter. I think contacting the HR department will be appropriate in future situations – thank you for the suggestion.
Very well written and also inspiring! Thanks for sharing your story! 🙂
Great article. I recently dealt with rejection myself; I was passed over for a job on campus that I really would have enjoyed. I was upset at first, and confused, as I felt I was perfectly suited for the job, but in the end it ended up to be just fine. I eventually realized that I had underestimated my work for the semester for classes alone, and I would have been really stressed if I had a job. Also, looking back, I was able to step back and objectively examine my entire application – in doing so, I realized that my interview hadn’t gone as well as I’d originally thought, and I’d clearly made some mistakes and not presented myself as well as I could. Ultimately, it was a great learning experience, and I feel that I’m better off because of it.
So true, Anne, applications always look different in hindsight 🙂 Everything’s a learning experience!
Dear Hannah, As a writer, I’ve experienced a lot of rejections in my career. And these were truly rejections–“We read your article. It is not right for us.” Etc. Etc. My way of getting past these disappointments — and it’s OK to be disappointed — is to send the article out right away to some other publication. So transposed to the job-hunting arena, I suggest that you have a list ready to go so that there’s always something out there putting you in someoneo else’s in-box. You never know when the right combination will click and the right door will open.
Love, C.
Thanks for your never ending support in everything I do! Soon I hope to submit papers for review – that will bring a whole new set of challenges!
As much as rejection is not what you wanted, something vital that you did in the process of coping was to talk to people about your experience. By internalizing your feelings, it just exaggerates the negativity brought about by rejection. Instead, you were able to not only process your feelings healthily, but you also learned that others were there to support you. I think that sharing “rejection” letters would be healthy for everyone to do, and by sharing your experience, you have made it less taboo to discuss. On another note- a great job is out there waiting for you!
Thank you 🙂 I think sharing both the positive and negative is always important!