Making friends as an adult is a weird thing. I’ve been working through the process of developing relationships since my earliest social interactions. However, this all becomes more complicated when the individuals are much out of your age range or seemingly have no (apparent) common interests with you.

This was a situation that I had to navigate at my internship this summer. For example, many of the women in the office would talk about their children and their marriages. I (a 19-year-old, childless woman) often worried about when it was appropriate to engage in these conversations and when to be silent. Other women in the office were much older and had a greater collection of life experiences than I did. This is one of the most daunting situations for me. I always worry that when I tell them about my life and my choices, they know that what I am doing is wrong. Or perhaps they think, I have experienced this many times—how cliché.

My experience in the office actually made me realize how great it is to have older people as friends. Most of the time, they enjoyed hearing about my life and actually were able to offer meaningful and thoughtful advice. But maybe you don’t feel like sharing parts of your personal life. Perhaps their advice isn’t something you deeply value. Either way, establishing positive relationships with everyone you meet is a great quality. It is something that I strive for and truly hope to improve on.

One of my biggest challenges socially is that I have a hard time initiating interactions. I hardly speak to strangers unless spoken to. Once spoken to, I almost always have wonderful interactions—it’s just the getting there that is hard. In the office, I developed my relationships toward the end of the summer. It took me a long time to make myself ask questions and speak up. None of this was because I was disinterested; it was simply because I felt too shy.

Something that I hope to do during my next summer in the office, and even in my classes next semester, is to be more outgoing. I know that becoming an outgoing person does not mean that I need to become a different version of myself. Instead, it means that I need to make a deliberate effort to smile, demonstrate interest, introduce myself, and make eye contact. I even think that I could work on this in some of the relationships that I have already established.

Have you had similar experiences in the workplace? Any tips for becoming more outgoing? I’d love to hear your comments below.

The time to register for second-semester classes is fast approaching and it really has me thinking. I have not genuinely enjoyed my STEM courses this year. Often times, I even find myself sitting in the class thinking “I don’t know if I feel all that inherently passionate about this.” I feel like applying to medical or dental schools would be too great of an investment (both in time and money) if it is not something that I am in love with, this early on. “I don’t want to do this anymore” is such an infectious mindset. This sentiment quickly escalated to “this is a waste of my time.” The hardest part that I am struggling with is letting the idea of myself in this career go. My parents have always been incredibly proud that there would be a doctor in the family. In addition, telling people that you are Pre-Med, or even just STEM in general, usually feels like an instant stamp of approval.

The compromise feels like I am losing the “best” years of my life. I don’t know that these are necessarily going to be the best years of my life anyways. Is it wrong to believe that they are? Is it wrong to believe that they aren’t? Is there a benefit in knowing that these times are tough and only get better? Or am I living my life in a state of negativity expecting better things to come?

No matter what, I know that I need to reconsider what kind of major and career might suit me. This is super difficult considering the fact that I have thought that I was going to be pre-med for as long as I can remember. I have never even remotely considered a career outside of this field. As a result, I am utterly lost as to the realm of possibilities available to me.

Per the suggestion of my mother, I made a list of the things that I am good at vs. the things that I am bad at and do not enjoy:

Strengths:

• Drive: One of the most frequent compliments that I receive is that I am driven. I know this about myself. I am extremely goal oriented and will work to my fullest extent for things that I am passionate about. I also know that I am success driven, which leads me to believe that I would do well in a career with high job mobility.
• Organization: No matter the situation, organizing something always puts my mind at ease. I am sure that this is a quality that I must have gotten from my mother. Sometimes it can be disadvantageous, but I suppose that to an extent it is at least productive. For example, if I become stressed studying for an upcoming exam, you might find me starting to reorganize my closet or deep cleaning the tilling on my sink. These habits extend to my schooling as I keep my planner and schoolwork very organized. I almost never am the kind of person to miss a deadline or an appointment.
• Loyalty: I am fiercely loyal—almost to a fault. This works to my advantage in the scheme of cultivating relationships and developing camaraderie within a group. I love when people feel happy and proud to be where they are. Nothing feels better than knowing that you have a home-base or a group where you belong. I always try my best to let my friends, teammates, and group members know that they are appreciated.

Weaknesses:

• I Value “Me-Time”: While this sounds like a positive quality, I know that in a way this is a weakness. There will always be someone willing to sacrifice their me-time for their career and these people will most certainly get ahead of me. In addition, I know that I can be very hard-headed at times. Ultimately, I let myself have me-time even when I don’t really deserve it, or have the time to take it.
• Overcommitted: Most of the time, I am overcommitted. I have a hard time saying no and asserting when I am being taken advantage of. I have been subject to numerous accounts of individuals pressing me for homework answers and to “read over my essays just to get an idea of what to write.”

Ultimately, I think that this week has taught me that I need to adjust my reading frame. It seems that I want something else. Before next week there are some steps that I hope to take:

• Meet with my advisor and communicate my concerns
• Inform myself about careers outside of STEM
• Call a few family-friends and discuss what their work life is like

Have you been through this change of heart? If so, if you, or anyone you know, has advice on switching career directions, let me know in the comments. I’d love to connect and hear your story.

The best career advice I have ever received was from my father. He has always emphasized that I choose a career that I love, regardless of how lucrative it is.

“If you do what you love and you do it well, the money will follow.”

As important as deciding what I love is, it has also been essential to rule out some of the things that I don’t love. Below I have detailed some career paths that I am certain that I am not interested in:

Mathematician. I dislike math more than any other academic subject out there. Conceptually, I do not know why I can’t wrap my head around math. I know that it is unrealistic to assume that my career with have nothing to do with math, but I aim to keep it as minimal as possible. I suppose that simple algebra is okay. I enjoy seeing it applied to chemistry, biology, and physics. I would even say that I enjoy the statistical side of biology. However, if you ask me to find the derivatives of such and such, I will probably shed a few tears. I attribute this to the fact that I have not really had a math teacher that actually enjoyed math and enjoyed teaching it since middle school. This has made math very minimally rewarding to me.

Similar careers that have been consequently ruled out: Engineer, Actuary, Architect, Economist, Accounting, etc.

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Personal Trainer. Don’t get me wrong—I love working out. But, it takes a lot to get me to the gym. It’s one of those things where once I am there and the workout is completed, I feel great. But, I do not have the personal motivation to go on my own. I have to register for PE classes that require attendance in order to make sure I am working out. For this reason, I don’t think being an athletic instructor of any kind would be a great career path for me.

Similar careers that have been consequently ruled out: Dance teacher, Yoga instructor, Athletic Coach, Athletic Therapist, etc.

Lawyer. I don’t have a great explanation for this other than the fact that the whole concept just isn’t intriguing to me. I don’t really love history, politics, or law. I would not enjoy memorizing anything in these fields and there are simply more passionate and better-suited people for this career.

Similar careers that have been consequently ruled out: Politician (Senator, Governor, Mayor, Congressman, etc.), Historian, Policy Analyst, Pollster, Curator, Paralegal, Stockbroker, etc.

https://giphy.com/gifs/facepalm-lawyer-ally-mcbeal-q1to6dXEZA7sI

Chef. I am not great at cooking and have minimal knowledge of food. I eat pretty clean for the most part, but primarily because I am picky.

Similar careers that have been consequently ruled out: Restaurant Owner, Nutritionist/Dietician, Food Service Manager, etc.  

Which careers are you not drawn to? How did you rule them out? Comment below!

As I head into my second set of midterms I begin to feel everything slipping away: organization, motivation, sense of direction, health, etc.

As I try to keep everything in check, I know that it is important to keep organized. To me, this means actively keeping my planner updated, eating meals consistently, keeping my room cleaned, and completing assignments.

Sometimes this is really hard for me. Right now, in particular, my future seems fuzzy. The time is coming for me to make some decisions about what I want to do, and for the first time in my life, I feel unsure. What do I want to major in? What kind of career do I want? What am I even good at doing? I wish that somebody what just tell me what to do and what my purpose is supposed to be. The hardest part is that I know that the things and life that I want right now might not necessarily be available to me ten years down the line.

For now, I have to push this feeling aside and make it through the semester. It is frustrating and sad to do this though. I hate feeling like I need to “just make it through this week” and then things will settle down and be better. The push gets harder and harder and it’s like I am living in a perpetual countdown. ___ days until this exam, ___ days until Thanksgiving Break, ___ days until such and such is due. How many days before I get all of this figured out?

I want to set goals so that I can stay on top of things and not feel so behind. It seems more organized to wait until the start of next semester. But then again, why wait? Perhaps it would be more efficient to look back to the goals that I set at the beginning of the semester. Some of these I have definitely achieved. Others need some work.

Ultimately, I think that it is important to reflect on these goals. Even if your thoughts are not entirely organized, it’s okay! Just get them out there and use them as a review of how you are feeling about your career path day-to-day. Whether you are looking back (or forward) on the semester, let it out!

Do you ever find yourself in this place? Any advice? Comment below!

For those who are wondering what I did for Fall Break, I am here to tell you that I definitely did not use the time to “get ahead” in my classes. As always, I agree that is important to work in the interest of one’s academics and career, but it is equally as important to “fill your tank,” so to speak.

Throughout high-school, I faced burnout repeatedly. Instead of allowing myself to recharge, I solely focused on academics and career-related endeavors. Worst of all, I very much avoided relationships and the use of emotional energy. This robotic lifestyle caused me to crash weekly by the time that Friday rolled around. Not only did I feel too exhausted to hang out with friends on the weekends, but I additionally felt too tired to have quality “me” time. Working too hard for too long made me no longer find joy in my academics. Even worse, my ability to focus decreased and the work that I produced was subpar at best.

In the last year, I have made a genuine effort to avoid burnout by taking deliberate and meaningful breaks from my work. For me, this means taking time-off as seriously as I take my course-load. In particular, this translates to my use of electronics. Something that bothers me the most about technology is the fact that anyone can access me at any time. I find this to be an invasion of personal time and of privacy. During the school-week and in-class, my attention is fully devoted to working and communicating with teachers and fellow students. However, during designated breaks, I refuse to let these people access me. Breaks from academics are there for a reason and should be just that: a break. If a teacher expects us to leave our personal lives outside of the classroom, then I request that they leave their curriculum out of my break time. To me, this is a matter of mutual respect.

I have found that my long-distance relationship has been the most enriching and helpful “break” in my life. While long-distance has its difficulties, it also has its perks. Carving out a designated time each night to call my S.O. forces me to step away from my textbooks back into the real world. During time off, I get to take this even further by traveling halfway across the country to visit him. There is something to be said for physically removing yourself from the atmosphere in which you generally work. The action of leaving campus makes it feel like very deliberate “me” time. In addition, it has forced me to develop a consciousness about how I am spending my time. I find that it is imperative to use the time off of school, especially short ones like Fall Break, as a chance to recuperate and work on personal happiness.

Long distance re-charging.

Ultimately, this is a philosophy that I will most certainly carry over into my career. I want my job to enhance my life, not consume it. What happens if I am laid off or want out of my career? What will be left? What makes my life feel fuller?

My relationships are what make me happy. Interacting with my family, my friends and myself will always be a priority because they are one of the most enriching components of my life. Maybe that will put other people ahead of me; I am sure that it will. But at least I know that I am playing an active role in cultivating my happiness.

Re-charging with friends.

I know that once I leave Scripps, I probably am not going to get seasonal breaks. Thus, it has been essential for me to understand that it is toxic to feel guilty for taking a break. Making time to relax needs to be a scheduled priority. So if you didn’t accomplish any schoolwork during the break, don’t fret!