The time to register for second-semester classes is fast approaching and it really has me thinking. I have not genuinely enjoyed my STEM courses this year. Often times, I even find myself sitting in the class thinking “I don’t know if I feel all that inherently passionate about this.” I feel like applying to medical or dental schools would be too great of an investment (both in time and money) if it is not something that I am in love with, this early on. “I don’t want to do this anymore” is such an infectious mindset. This sentiment quickly escalated to “this is a waste of my time.” The hardest part that I am struggling with is letting the idea of myself in this career go. My parents have always been incredibly proud that there would be a doctor in the family. In addition, telling people that you are Pre-Med, or even just STEM in general, usually feels like an instant stamp of approval.

The compromise feels like I am losing the “best” years of my life. I don’t know that these are necessarily going to be the best years of my life anyways. Is it wrong to believe that they are? Is it wrong to believe that they aren’t? Is there a benefit in knowing that these times are tough and only get better? Or am I living my life in a state of negativity expecting better things to come?

No matter what, I know that I need to reconsider what kind of major and career might suit me. This is super difficult considering the fact that I have thought that I was going to be pre-med for as long as I can remember. I have never even remotely considered a career outside of this field. As a result, I am utterly lost as to the realm of possibilities available to me.

Per the suggestion of my mother, I made a list of the things that I am good at vs. the things that I am bad at and do not enjoy:

Strengths:

• Drive: One of the most frequent compliments that I receive is that I am driven. I know this about myself. I am extremely goal oriented and will work to my fullest extent for things that I am passionate about. I also know that I am success driven, which leads me to believe that I would do well in a career with high job mobility.
• Organization: No matter the situation, organizing something always puts my mind at ease. I am sure that this is a quality that I must have gotten from my mother. Sometimes it can be disadvantageous, but I suppose that to an extent it is at least productive. For example, if I become stressed studying for an upcoming exam, you might find me starting to reorganize my closet or deep cleaning the tilling on my sink. These habits extend to my schooling as I keep my planner and schoolwork very organized. I almost never am the kind of person to miss a deadline or an appointment.
• Loyalty: I am fiercely loyal—almost to a fault. This works to my advantage in the scheme of cultivating relationships and developing camaraderie within a group. I love when people feel happy and proud to be where they are. Nothing feels better than knowing that you have a home-base or a group where you belong. I always try my best to let my friends, teammates, and group members know that they are appreciated.

Weaknesses:

• I Value “Me-Time”: While this sounds like a positive quality, I know that in a way this is a weakness. There will always be someone willing to sacrifice their me-time for their career and these people will most certainly get ahead of me. In addition, I know that I can be very hard-headed at times. Ultimately, I let myself have me-time even when I don’t really deserve it, or have the time to take it.
• Overcommitted: Most of the time, I am overcommitted. I have a hard time saying no and asserting when I am being taken advantage of. I have been subject to numerous accounts of individuals pressing me for homework answers and to “read over my essays just to get an idea of what to write.”

Ultimately, I think that this week has taught me that I need to adjust my reading frame. It seems that I want something else. Before next week there are some steps that I hope to take:

• Meet with my advisor and communicate my concerns
• Inform myself about careers outside of STEM
• Call a few family-friends and discuss what their work life is like

Have you been through this change of heart? If so, if you, or anyone you know, has advice on switching career directions, let me know in the comments. I’d love to connect and hear your story.