It is finally summer. A time when the sun is shining brightly, my calendar is as good as empty, and time feels like it has stopped. Everything. Is. At. A. Standstill. At the second I dove into my bed and fell asleep before my eyes were fully shut, some cosmic force switched a lever that put my life on standby.

Actually I know why it feels like life is on hold. It is currently the waiting period for all of my summer endeavors.  It’s kind of funny how projects fall into a certain rhythm of crests and troughs of activity and inactivity. Even more interesting is how their rhythm synchronizes with each other. I’ve done what needs to be done and pretty much all I can do at the moment for the radio program. I’ve attended the trainings for my other volunteer position and I’m waiting for the final clearance from the director. I’ve been busy with both projects in practically the same week and now I have some down time. Nothing more I can do right? NOPE.

(Just as a side note: the answer is always no.)

There are final decisions to be made regarding my radio program that finalizes everything. Specifically, what material I want to air first, when I want to air it, and how the program might progress. These decisions kinda sorta scare me and therefore I’m approaching them very cautiously, mulling over the options, and thinking about the ramifications of my decisions.

I do not find these decisions to easy to make. For me, decisions in generally are not easy to make. Like choosing which pair of pants to wear. If I’m wearing skirts, most likely, it’s because I gave up on deciding between two pairs of embarrassingly similar pants. (But they feel different you know? Like they fall on your hips differently, have slack in different places, and are tight in others? Right?) For those of you who are familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality test I embody the characteristics of Judging (J) which means I like order, organization, and details. A lot. I make lists obsessively and if I could I would organize the world. Googling neat bento boxes bring me so much joy I can’t even…The tumblr thingsorganizedneatly, asdfkkhakgj. Going to Ikea, ~heaven~. I really really really identify with the woman in the video by the way. Pssss: It’s only 15 seconds long and may bring you happiness.

Lunch Box Ikea Commerical

The problem is, a list that has the options for what, when, and how, complete with pros and cons (and possible pros and cons) is daunting to look at. I don’t feel comfortable proceeding without having given a reasonably complete consideration of all the possibilities but also I need to proceed. Some considerations include: what is going help me achieve the ultimate goal of the program most effectively, what is going to be the least taxing to execute aka the most possible, and which considerations should be given more weight. Good news: I have a couple of weeks to finalize everything. Bad news: I have a couple of weeks to finalize everything.

If anything my lists of possibilities shows me that I need to consult with people I trust. Fear is healthy to some extent before it becomes paralyzing and that is so not an option and will not be an option because I’m driven to do this project and have so much support. I moved a lot as a kid and I had to go through lots of omg-I-have-to-attend-yet-another-new-school situations. I dealt with it by thinking to myself, “I’m scared and I have reason to be scared but I’m more excited than I am anything else because everything new and unknown has potential and potential is exciting”. Same tactics apply. Rinse and repeat as needed.