At the end of my junior year, I left for the summer thinking that returning to campus would mean picking up exactly where I left off. But I left Claremont looking back too much, not propelling myself for a summer in D.C. I quickly realized I just had to move on. I initially had to force myself into being excited for my summer internship, until it was genuine (I was that one intern who introduced herself first in the Facebook group…).  I thought this opportunity was going to be a direct gateway into an immediate job offer after graduating. I thought I would reach some sort of cathartic clarity about a definite career path. I thought by the time fall semester rolled around I would be applying to only arts administrative and conventional jobs. These were idealistic, cop-out thoughts. I deluded myself into thinking that there wouldn’t be a self-struggle. Because in reality, professionally and personally, all of my summer did not go according to plan.

I could spend forever imaging how the summer would have gone if it had “gone according to plan.” I would have had a job by now, I would have applied to graduate programs for music performance, I would have learned more of my senior recital repertoire, I would have more written on my psychology thesis (I wish this one went according to plan…), I would have been single (I’m glad this one didn’t). The truth is, I was so darn confused about all of these things. The summer was shaping up to be everything I didn’t expect, but I was getting way too caught up in my head and making problems for myself.

There’s no point in ruminating on the could haves, should haves, would haves. Because I was thrown into so many situations I didn’t expect to be in, because I made a lot of great friends and create solid relationships, I was able to learn how to have an open mind, be flexible, and making uncomfortable situations a learning experience. It’s easier said than done to be present in the moment, to evaluate and breakdown overwhelming life transitions. But sometimes it helps me to think, it’s okay to not be okay. Sometimes, in order to grow, you have to be confused.

At the end of the summer, I left DC unsure about my previous plans, but with a new outlook that makes me excited about the future, even though it’s still so uncertain. I am trying my best to be mindful and present, speaking my truth as I know it now. Right now, I know that my mind and body feel exhausted, but I also know that there’s not much else I can do but to chug along. Take each day, moment by moment, readjusting and reevaluating if it did not go according to plan.

What do you do when things do not go according to plan? Have some of your successes emerged from unexpected, surprising opportunities? I hope that throws you a curve ball, you’re ready to recognize and make the next best move.