The first time I saw Pangea perform was on Admitted Student Day along with several a cappella groups and a few other dance groups. I’m not sure what made this group in particular stand out to me then. Maybe it was the confidence and smoothness of the dancers’ moves, or the songs that was playing in the background. If I remember correctly, it was “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran, a recent release at the time, and my sister and I loved to listen to together back at home in Minnesota. On my notes app, I jotted down “Pangea” along with a few other reminders: a song recommendation, my favorite acappella group from the night, and a note to drop by the bookstore. Admittedly, I did little research on my favorite groups after that day, though I held a silent wish to audition to Pangea come fall in my chest.

At the time, I was working hard on learning dance choreography to some of my favorite songs, so seeing group dances performed live was stunning to me; a shining example of what I hoped to be able to achieve. Though I never have been a dancer, I wanted to know how to dance well. I wanted to gain some practical experience, rather than the casual enjoyment that stems from dancing with friends at prom or homecoming with friends or in my room with my sister.

Fast forward from April to September 2017.

School has just started, and I’m getting accustomed to my course load, scoping out the best dining hall options, and spending time with new friends. I had decided to try out a PE class for fun- International Dance Standard- and found myself loving ballroom-style dance. I had made friends in my class, and liked learning the dance steps for our waltz routine. Because of how well I liked it, I went out for the Claremont Colleges Ballroom Dance Company. I found out recently that I made it onto the beginner level.

Even after discovering the joy that is ballroom dancing, Pangea still stuck in the back of my mind. So, when I saw that a workshop and auditions would be coming up, and I was so excited and immediately input the event into my calendar.

Workshop day came, and I rushed over to Roberts Pavilion after my Friday afternoon Korean tutorial a little after two in the afternoon. Everyone introduced themselves with their name (Olivia), school and year (Scripps, year one), and favorite movie (then Almost Famous, but now the Korean movie Taxi Driver is on the list too).

We started doing some stretches to music, followed by some warm up dance moves across the floor. As we started the latter, I started to feel a bit off-put. Something didn’t feel quite right, but I was continued dancing, figuring I was just uncomfortable doing dance moves in front of people. The workshop continued, and more music played that I wasn’t familiar with. We started learning the choreography to the audition song, and the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away.

I wasn’t sure how to feel. This was what I wanted to do for a while, but it just was not quite what I had built it up to be in my head. As we finished the choreography with some difficult moves, I felt accomplished, but not excited for the audition. After some more group practice, a water break was called, and I found myself going to pick up my bag.

It just wasn’t my speed.

I politely told one of the captains I was going to split, and explained why. She asked if I wanted to try one more time before I decided, but I said no, and thanked her for the workshop, and told her that I was glad that I had the opportunity to be there. I slipped out as the rest of the people got ready to practice again and started to trek back from CMC to Scripps.

More than anything, I was disappointed, but glad that I didn’t force myself to go through with something that I wasn’t feeling comfortable with. It’s a skill I’ve been building for a while now. Knowing to call something quits is rarely an easy decision to make, whether it’s leaving a party because you aren’t having fun, or not sure if something is your style. The best way to know is by listening to yourself.

So, even though I didn’t end up liking dancing as part of the Pangea workshop, I know I’ll still be a spectator when they have events. I was honest with myself about my interests and what I’m comfortable with, so even though I was disappointed that Pangea didn’t turn out to be my thing, I was proud to have had the gut to walk out from the situation.