This past summer I got my first real job, and while I’d like to jump straight into likes, dislikes, and of course, how I got in tight with upper management, I think I have to provide a quick overview of that particular experience

Day 1: submitted application, was interviewed and hired the same day

2 weeks later: started job, realized every other employee had quit the week before

Next month and a half: met managers and employees from literally everywhere, kind of figured out how to do my job, spent a lot of time in the store by myself

August: district manager hires an assistant manager who was one of her friends, which is totally simony

actually it’s cronyism, but i’ve been watching a lot of the Borgias.  Mostly for that face *swoon*

1 week later: 3 sales associates quit, new assistant manager is fired (either for stealing or being terrible at his job), the district manager resigns under suspicious circumstances. this makes me the only person employed at the store

3 days later: the regional manager arrives from Australia? Maybe? idk, and appoints a new district manager who hires a new assistant manager. I work exactly 40 hours a week so they don’t have to pay me overtime

It’s about this time that I put in my two weeks notice

So here we go

Best Things About My Mall Job

I learned a lot about mall jobs: the movie theater pays the best, food court discounts can save your life, hot topic employees are the friendliest, there is nothing in the back except for a scary hallway where the janitors can pick up trash, the most disgusting bathroom you’ve ever seen, also sometimes promotional materials

they can crush my soul, but not my snapchat game

I made a lot of friends: I was hired just as the

(I didn’t work at journeys, but it’s cool to know i have something in common with such chill proprietors of fly kicks)

which clearly happens more often than I thought. I’m not sure what proper protocol is in this situation, but for some reason, the solution for the 2.5 months I worked there was to bring in employees (usually mangers) from other stores. The greater Austin area was quickly exhausted of people willing to do this so then we got people from Houston (2 hr 30 minute drive), Dallas (3 hr. drive) and my personal favorite, Florida (3 hr. flight). This summer i worked under 11 managers, none of whom particularly cared about what was going on in the store. They did care a lot about vine compilations and Ariana Grande parodies so really,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ8ViYIeH04

Employee discount: I got (and actually still get) 50% off all full price items. Funny story, I still get that discount because they never accepted my resignation letter. Hypothetically, I could walk into my store one day, scan in and hang out for a while and they’d still be obligated to pay me. I haven’t done that, but I do still totally abuse my discount privileges

and then she was like, “you’re buying a lot of XL men’s shirts and flower crowns” and I was like, “yeah, FOR HALF OFF SONNNNNN”

Job experience/recommendations: up to this point I’d “worked” in my dad’s law firm, at a children’s art camp where I was payed in gift cards and Luna Bars (i actually have very few complaints about that), and at a volunteer tutoring program run through my school. none of these exactly screamed job experience, so even with the list that’s coming up, I’m still mostly grateful for this opportunity

we’re supposed to call everything we don’t want to do “opportunities” (S9. E20)

So, without further ado…

Worst Things About My Mall Job

I was unprepared: The manager who hired me quit sometime in the two week period in between offering me the job and me actually starting. I guess all the other managers just sort of assumed that I knew what I was doing well enough to keep doing it without their help. Luckily, there was one sales associate who hadn’t quit in the last wave. She taught me how to use the register and the proper way to fold clothes. I owe her forever for that and she totally knows it so I ended up covering a lot of her shifts, and a lot of other people’s shifts which is partially why…

I got yelled at a lot: So funny thing about the company I worked for, sometimes they’d change the prices in the system before alerting the stores (via fax for some god-awful reason) about the change. Sometimes this meant that stuff was a lot less expensive than indicated on the price tag, and that was fine, but sometimes it cost more than advertised, and then the yelling started.

The especially fun thing about this was that I didn’t always have a manager, and sometimes I was the only employee there at all. This is how I learned to do returns (something I technically wasn’t allowed to do as a sales associate) through intuition and a copy of the employee handbook from 6 years ago.

This happened:

(didn’t work at Aveda either, that’s just the reflection of the good life in the window of my shattered work experience)

I’m mainly referring to the piles of broken glass from when the least secure storefront in America finally shattered, but also to that window promotion. If you look closely, it says 70% off original prices on sale items only. No one ever looks closely. No one.

One time we found a bag of hair in a dressing room: honestly i’m not sure what else to say about that

But here’s the thing, once the regional manager came in, I did end up getting some credit for the long hours I’d put in doing things that were so not included in my job description. While I have literally zero desire to ever go back to work in that store, I could if I needed to, and as a sign of a gratitude for me sticking around while he was transitioning into his new job, I have the district manager’s personal email address and phone number for references. Not too shabby eh? Or should I say shabby-chic?

Oh god, no I shouldn’t that was terrible, I’m so sorry. No more retail puns.