There I was, swallowed up in a sea of them: endless creepy copies of each other, all mocking me with their slick outlines and pricey price-tags. After one whole hour of shopping, I’d come to a conclusion: suits are awful. They‘re itchy, sit strangely on my waistline, and make it hard for me to bend my arms. The collar is annoying and my legs are swallowed up in polyester fabric. And my list of complaints continued to grow, until I reckoned I must be allergic to all forms of suits. My day of shopping had turned into a perpetual headache.
Suit # 8: Too pricey. Suit #14: Really? I thought shoulder pads went out in the 80’s. And of course there was Suit #1093828592: I don’t think lime green is professional.
Why was I buying a suit?
Good question.
I was possessed by an urgent need to own something professional looking, because I’ve been told that in the real world they like it when you wear pants, not leggings. Being the the ignormamus-towards-everything-suit-related that I was, I was eager to listen to everyone. And of course, I was getting nowhere. According to the very kind, helpful lady at Nordstorms who filled up my dressing room with suits that cost more than a summer internship stipend, pants mean business: they’re professional and strong. Skirts are flirty and unprofessional, you know? At Macy’s, the salesperson graciously informed me that the hefty shoulder pads attached to a discounted suit made me look like an airline stewardess. Good to know. And apparently, skirts were the way to go.