I like lists. And color coding. And giant calendars with schedules and timelines that teeter too often towards being unrealistic. I like having a plan. In high school, the plan was simple: work really hard and organize your efforts towards getting into an impressive and excellent college. Mission accomplished.

Sometime around second semester sophomore year (aka: declaring one’s major) I realized I didn’t have a new plan. I was never one of those kids who knew they were going to be a doctor or a designer or a journalist. I assumed I would figure it out, that something would hit me and everything would become clear. And I assumed I’d have this figured out by the time I graduated. Why not, right?  Surely, between classes, guest lectures, extracurriculars, jobs, and growing relationships with faculty, staff, and alums, something would click.

But here, four months from graduation, I don’t have answers; just a whole lot of interests. This isn’t a bad thing. If anything, this is what a liberal arts degree is supposed to give me: I have many experiences and skills that can be applied to any number of fields and positions. I can be confident in my ability to handle any of the jobs I chose to apply for. Of course, this doesn’t change the fact that I had envisioned myself graduating with a Meaningful and Impressive Job (henceforth dubbed MIJ).

Rationally, I understand that

1. Not everyone lands a MIJ right out college
2. It is rare that a single moment will clarify everything
3. Most people don’t end up anywhere near where they start out. Career paths are twisty, and have more to do with learning what you like and don’t like, taking chances, and networking, than your major.
4. I shouldn’t worry about what people will think of my post-Scripps plans

However, knowing this does not make the reality any easier. I spent part of fall semester trying to convince myself that I could narrow down my interests and pick a field of study for graduate school. Through hours of research I realized that as much as I want a definitive and concrete path to follow, I need to be comfortable in saying, “I don’t know what I want to do.”

I’ve found that as a senior, people are far more likely to ask what I am doing after college than what my thesis was about or what I do outside of planning for the future. Thus, I’ve gotten really good at looking people in the eye and saying that things are still up in the air. I’ve made my peace with it now.

But I do have a plan. I plan to explore all my interests. To apply to all kinds of jobs, internships, fellowships. To look into travel opportunities. To allow myself to entertain ideas that are, perhaps, not what you’d expect of a Scripps graduate. To enjoy the process and the semester. We’ll see how it goes.