I used to be really uncomfortable asking people for letters of recommendation. Granted, it isn’t like I do a whole lot of asking usually, but this semester things have changed. Valinda told me to think about applying to ten or so summer internships. Since some of the programs I’m applying too are extremely competitive, I decided that the more the merrier. And that means a whole lot of letters.

A part of me still feels it’s strange asking someone I know to write a letter for me. It’s like hey, we have semi-non awkward banter and you’ve seen lots of parts of me, sometimes not the best, please write me a one-page ode to my qualities and get it to me in four weeks. Here’s an envelope and stamp—knock yourself out. But part of my initial uneasiness was conquered when Valinda point-blank told me that people know it’s coming and that it’s part of their job. That made me feel less guilty for asking, but no less mystified by what goes on behind the scenes for the letter-writer.

Luckily, in these past two weeks I’ve had the opportunity to write a couple of letters for people applying to be RAs, and this has changed my perspective on things. Before, letters of recommendation were big, scary things, but now I’ve been able to demystify the process. Now I see letters of recommendation in a more straightforward fashion: good information + happy recommender= a solid letter.

Here are some of guidelines that—thanks to my letter-writing experiences— I can wanted to share. Of course, I can’t say I’ve always followed these but this experience has taught me to appreciate them nonetheless.

1.) Be sure to ask if they can write you a strong letter. Actually writing recommendations made me realize how awkward the letter would be if I didn’t think they were a good fit.
2.) Ask someone who knows you well. Obvious, but still important. I’ve known everyone who’s asked me for long periods of time, which meant I could easily think of enough of their strengths to fill a page. Also, I don’t know if everyone feels this way–but I felt happy when I was writing them. As in, they were fun to write. If you genuinely think that person is qualified, then you like to share that. So don’t feel bad for asking.
3.) Help them brainstorm (subtly). I didn’t realize how much work goes into writing one of these bad boys. I spent a lot of time brainstorming a list of specific examples of how people demonstrated certain skills and strengths. Knowing someone well and what they’ve accomplished helped enormously. Also, a copy of their resume was a great refresher. That way, I was able to draw from what they said and incorporate specific examples from their resume if I got stuck.
4.) Make sure they know what you are applying for and your transferable skills. This isn’t the case in every situation, but at the very least, talking to your recommender and ensuring they know what you are applying for actually makes a big difference. For me, I know the RA position inside and out because it is something I’ve experienced firsthand. This made it infinitely easier to tailor my recommendations and make specific connections to the position.
5.) Give your recommender time to let things settle. I worked on the letters a little bit at a time. It took me some time to figure out what I wanted to say and I was glad I had that time. I’ve definitely been guilty of asking for letters on short notice, and sometimes it just happens. As a side note, I also appreciated follow-up. Gentle reminders to write said letters was important. As usual, time goes by really fast.

Writing these letters has helped me understand what goes on behind-the-scenes and figure out what it takes to get a good letter. From now on I’m going to try to be more thorough in the information I include for my own recommenders. In the past, I’ve typically stuck with a resume, transcript, and lists of deadlines with one or two sentences about the program. Now, I think there is certainly room for me to talk more in depth with my recommenders about why I want the position and how I see myself as a fit for it. In short, we need to be on the same page so I won’t be afraid to ask them what works best for them because everyone is different. I know now this is what I would want other people to do for me so I will try to do the same for others.