Do you remember the first job you wanted? The one you decided, on Career Day in Kindergarten, was perfect for you?

I do. The first time I heard “Genie in a Bottle”, I knew that I wanted to be a singer. Christina Aguilera was, simply put, my hero, and after I went to her concert I knew exactly what I wanted in life. In spite of my stage fright (My first performance was “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” and I made everyone in the audience cover their faces with pillows) I took voice lessons for six years, choir for the years after that, and lessons again in college. I eventually gave up on becoming the world’s next pop sensation, but it’ll probably always be a pipe dream.

I had other, more short-lived dreams—becoming a Pokemon trainer, for example—but for years and years, I decided my ultimate career dream was to be a writer. I wanted to write novels, television shows, movies—anything and everything. It was only years later that I realized I had a serious roadblock in the way, namely, that I didn’t have any ideas of my own. I either wanted to write spin-offs of already existing stories, or I wanted to write about my own life. There are plenty of writers that have made careers off of other ideas—Gregory Maguire comes to mind—but it’s not the basis for a steady career. I could go into essay writing, but it’s highly unlikely that would pay the bills.

After this epiphany, I decided journalism was the way to go. If I became a journalist, I didn’t need to make my own stories, I just needed to write the stories of others in an extremely compelling manner. If I went into sports writing, I could write about the thing that interested me the most, and maybe write some editorials as well (I have the occasionally unfortunate trait of being very opinionated).

This brings me to my current career issue. I love writing—that’s one of the many reasons why I wanted to write for this blog. I’m very particular about what exactly I like to write, but I do love writing. Is it enough in the sports industry, though? No matter how much sportswriters criticize or lobby for change, it seems like few people in positions of power listen. I’ve witnessed this for years. To make things happen, I need to be in the front offices, not on the sidelines.

I won’t be writing in that place, though—at least, not in the same way. It also requires skills that I need to develop, such as charisma and persuasion. Do I want to try for an administrative position, or stick with something I know, that sometimes seems powerless?

Although I’ve begun to lean very clearly in one direction—administrative work—it’s still something that keeps me conflicted.