The essays have been written, the resume has been tweaked, the cover letters have been constructed. Internship applications: sent. Nothing to do now but wait.

…and wait. And wait.

It hasn’t been that long since I pressed the “send” button and got my last application out, but I haven’t heard anything. Not even a “hey, we got your stuff” email. I know it’s silly, but the main thing I’ve been thinking is am I being stood up?

Calm down, I’ve been telling myself. It hasn’t been long at all and I’m sure the people who are looking at my application are looking at a million other ones as well. The only thing to do now is be patient and wait for someone to send me an email back. But oh, that’s so much easier said than done.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t hoping for some sort of message from one of my potential employers every time I open my inbox. I just want something to let me know that I haven’t been lost in the sea of applications that have been flooding their inboxes. Most of this is just me being impatient, but it’s also my ego: hey! I want to say. I’m a good candidate, and a nice person, and I am good for this job—so pay attention to me!

I think that I’ve been busy so long working on these applications that I’ve forgotten how to let it go. The apps are in, everything’s sent, and I can’t do anything more. Right now my lowly little application is being judged along with everyone else’s in the capable hands of internship coordinators around the country (well, in Chicago and DC.) But it’s hard to accept that everything is out of my hands at this point. I did the best I could, and now I have to trust that my applications looked good enough to land me a job. I just need to accept that I’m in internship limbo at this point, and I can’t do anything about it.

So: things to do while waiting to hear back. My number one activity was to look for more internships, until I realized that I was giving myself undue stress and that doing something crazy, like working for a photography magazine in Myanmar, probably isn’t a terribly good match for me. Homework is obviously a good use of my time. Watching soccer is, too, but it reminds me of how the MLS isn’t hiring (breaking my heart!). Lately, I’ve been working on a grant application, and that’s been taking up a lot of time and requires a great deal of concentration. I won’t go into much detail about it now–that’s for another blog post–but it has distracted me from my empty email inbox.

But like I said earlier: it’s out of my hands at this point, and now it’s about waiting. Even though I do feel like I’ve been stood-up for a date, I have to remember that they’re not that late and I’ve got plenty of time to hear back. But ah! It’s the not-knowing that’s so difficult. Hopefully by my next blog, I’ll have heard back from someone and will have some news for you all. Until then, it’s time to sit back and keep on waiting.