So part of me is wondering why I’m writing for a blog called, “Beyond the Elms,” instead of my own Tumblr or WordPress blog called, “La Vie d’AnnE à Paris.” (If you speak French, you know that kind of rhymes – if not, use your imagination.) I intended to go abroad this semester. I had applied to and was accepted by a program in Paris, and if everything had gone as planned, I’d be writing this from a café in Paris right now.

Unfortunately, last semester taught me that plans often go awry.

Now, before I come off sounding too spoiled, let me set a few things straight. I know things don’t always work out: we get denied from internships and jobs; we don’t get into the classes we need; and sometimes Claremont-WPA goes down right before you finish downloading the latest “New Girl” episode. However, throughout all of my academic and professional hardships, I’ve always found that as long as I plan effectively and I’m thoroughly organized, I can figure out a way to make it work.

Studying abroad was different. I planned. I was prepared. I applied early. I turned in (most of) my forms on time. I had been dreaming about “ma vie à Paris” since I was probably 5 or 6 years old. But none of that could change the reality of the program’s disorganization. I couldn’t make it work.

Eventually, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made and I withdrew from the program.

After a few days (maybe weeks…) of processing, the hardest decision I had ever made became one of the most empowering. I learned to say no, even to something everyone expected me to do. I’ve realized what I need to feel comfortable in whatever space I happen to be in; I’m not ashamed to know and accept my own needs. Lastly, and most importantly, I now know what it means to take control of my life and do what’s best for me rather than what I think (or what I’m told) I “should” be doing.

We have four years, 8 semesters, 32-40 classes, and not nearly enough time spent tanning poolside at Scripps, and it’s for us to decide what we do with that time and the rest of our lives. (Yup. That escalated quickly.) Just because 60% of the junior class studies abroad doesn’t mean the other 40% aren’t doing something amazing on campus. Just because 80% of students complete internships during their time at Scripps doesn’t mean the other 20% aren’t advancing their careers or their lives in other meaningful ways. We’re Scrippsies; by definition, we buck trends and do what we want – what’s right for us, and for our lives, at that time.

I will live abroad – when the time/place/job is right for me. But for now, the place I want to be editing this blog post is Seal Court, not a Parisian café, and posting it to “Beyond the Elms,” not a blog with a title that, frankly, could use some work. (A title I’ll need to improve before I do get the opportunity to write from Paris…)