I’m standing in front of a room full of mundane stick figures in stuffy business suits. I’m giving a presentation of sorts, pointing to an ambiguous pie graph, and using a pointer stick much too enthusiastically. I look out into the sea of khaki colored doodles, and they look unsettled. Am I saying something wrong? I look down, and curse under my breath…I am so, so incredibly naked. I continue with my presentation hoping that my audience won’t notice, and I try to convince them through my confidence that this is completely normal, I’m just redefining business casual.

I’ve had this dream twice this summer, and have woken up in relief and confusion. Why am I having this dream? Through my recreational analysis, I have come to terms that my subconscious is a worry wart. That I am already having thoughts about “the professional world” and my place within it. Everyone around me seems to feel comfortable with the professional world, just as the cool kids know exactly where they sit in a high school cafeteria. They know their place, and I feel like a misfit.

From a young age, many of my friends have known what they want to be. Actresses, doctors, therapists, teachers. As these conversations became interlaced with permanence, special programs, and specific majors, I began to sink lower into my chair of uncertainty. I am scared of the professional world. She is aggressive, pretentious, and wears a pantsuit. I hate pantsuits.

Returning to my dream, everyday I feel as if I’m convincing the professional world that its okay to be naked. The more I am doing this, the more I am persuading myself. I have no idea what I want to do, and it can feel vulnerable at points, just like being naked. In this sometimes snooty universe of Academia, we are given the notion that ignorance is a sin. We must know what the future holds, especially our own. I’m learning that its okay to be a misfit and that soon enough I’ll find the right lunch table to sit at. Until then, I shall float between interests as I please, enjoying every step of the career journey.