I don’t know.

Let’s think about those words. “I” indicates a personal pronoun – it’s me we’re talking about. “Don’t” negates the ability of doing. “Know” is knowledge, understanding, comprehending. But when the three words come together as “I don’t know,” their meaning somehow implies darker, more intense thoughts. In the highly intellectual, competitive space that is college, admitting “I don’t know” can be very hard. Not knowing something is viewed as a weakness. But why?

This summer was an eye-opener for me. It was my first time in the corporate world and my first time living in a big city. I was susceptible and vulnerable to everything. I almost felt fragile. But it wasn’t until I felt my weakest that I actually felt my strongest. What started out as a casual conversation between friends at a restaurant unintentionally transitioned into a moment of confusion. My friend and I were asked by two of our mid-twenty year old friends: What do you want to do as a career? There was a slight pause. But then my friend jumped in right away about how she wants to be an Editor for Vanity Fair, how she wants to live in NYC after she graduates, and how she plans to cater her senior year towards her goals. Her life had an A, a B, and a C. There was a slight pause. And then the focus was on me. And I said –

I don’t know.

It was the first time I had ever been real – with myself or with others. But I still felt like a failure. I faintly remember everyone at the table offering up some kind of condolence, some kind of encouragement out of their own disappointment. Here I was with no answer, no foreseeable plan, absolutely nothing. But right when I thought I had reached my breaking point, I actually felt empowered. The words coming out of my mouth – a confession – aligned with my mind. I was speaking the truth and not holding back. I don’t know what I want to do with my career or with my life, and you know what? That’s quite all right. I have nothing but time. We have nothing but time.

As recruiting season officially starts up, seniors will begin to run around campus as little stress balls full of anxiety, nerves, and espresso. Given the pressure we’re under to find a career or post-graduation path, can you blame us for acting this way? We have to know what we want to do or else we’re no longer interesting. We are deemed confused, lazy, and unmotivated. But I’m sorry to admit, that is absolutely not true. If I learned anything from saying “I don’t know,” it’s that there is way too much pressure on knowing what our next move is. I can barely decide on a new Netflix series to start after binge watching Gilmore Girls for the third time. Kudos to the people who have a plan, I certainly envy you. But to my fellow “I don’t know-ers,” we’re no less motivated, no less worthy, and no less important than our peers who have an A, a B, and a C.

Let’s change the dialogue. Let’s change the attitude towards not knowing. Because, in fact, it isn’t not knowing – it’s embracing chance.