Category Archives: Lily

Managing Coworker Relationships When the Differences Are Real

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Let the obvious be stated: coworkers can make or break your job experience. When you have great coworkers, you know it. And when you have not-so-great coworkers, you also know it. From my share of professional environments, I’ve learned that everyone is very, very different. So, let the nonobvious be stated: it’s difficult navigating multiple personalities, some of which you may like and some you may not. Here’s the best advice I can give for managing coworker relationships when the going gets tough:

  1. When your differences are very apparent
    Maybe you like to make lists, follow a linear plan, and veer away from making changes. Maybe she likes to go with the flow, see how the wind blows, and play everything by ear. Clearly, your management styles are super dissimilar. Resolution? Compromise. Often time communication is the key reason teams fall apart and arguments arise. Start the dialogue early and discuss your methods of working, completing tasks, and organizing your day. If everyone is understanding and on the same page right from the start, the following journey may be less bumpy.
  2. When they aren’t supportive
    So they’ve mocked you for simple things – perhaps for taking notes, talking about your accomplishments, asking questions, color coding your folders? They’re clearly not OK with you being different. They would rather gossip and talk at you or about you, rather than talk with you. Not only is this unsupportive behavior frustrating, but it also makes you feel poorly about yourself. It doesn’t feel good to be made fun of or to be ridiculed for having a system you’re comfortable with. Resolution? Shut it down (politely, of course). Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and defend what is rightly yours. After all, your coworkers have already built up the nerve to break you down with their comments – why not be the bigger person and tell them you’d rather have their support than their harsh criticism. Offer up the opportunity for them to explain the comments they’ve made, as constructive criticism can go a long way for both parties.
  3. When they challenge you (and not in a good way)
    Have you ever been questioned outwardly and inappropriately in front of others? Has your work become more difficult because your coworker has intentionally not done his or her part? Red flags all around, people! Resolution? Distance. I’ve found that in situations like these when you’re facing challenges that should not be happening, actions speak louder than words. Once you’ve answered their questions calmly, excuse yourself from the group. You will be less likely to act out or become defensive if you physically show you don’t endorse the conversation’s negativity. If your workload has suddenly increased because your coworker didn’t want to contribute, finish what’s left as best as you can and don’t be afraid to ask someone else for help. The act of being resourceful will show your leadership.
  4. When they start to infiltrate your personal life
    One of the best benefits to having a great coworker network is the chance to socialize with them outside of the office. But what happens when your connection to the other coworkers seems to be lacking? You’ve tried to make amends, to see through your differences, but they’ve stood you up or they’ve dropped the ball too many times. In this circumstance, find comfort in the fact that you’ve done your best. But there’s not much you can do. Their actions and their words have spoken, so channel your inner Queen Elsa and “let it go.”

Good luck out there, workplace warriors. Make the best out of your situation, or change it up completely. There is no shame and no judgement in leaving a position if they people you work with aren’t right for you.

 

 

 

It’s OK to Have No Idea

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I don’t know.

Let’s think about those words. “I” indicates a personal pronoun – it’s me we’re talking about. “Don’t” negates the ability of doing. “Know” is knowledge, understanding, comprehending. But when the three words come together as “I don’t know,” their meaning somehow implies darker, more intense thoughts. In the highly intellectual, competitive space that is college, admitting “I don’t know” can be very hard. Not knowing something is viewed as a weakness. But why?

This summer was an eye-opener for me. It was my first time in the corporate world and my first time living in a big city. I was susceptible and vulnerable to everything. I almost felt fragile. But it wasn’t until I felt my weakest that I actually felt my strongest. What started out as a casual conversation between friends at a restaurant unintentionally transitioned into a moment of confusion. My friend and I were asked by two of our mid-twenty year old friends: What do you want to do as a career? There was a slight pause. But then my friend jumped in right away about how she wants to be an Editor for Vanity Fair, how she wants to live in NYC after she graduates, and how she plans to cater her senior year towards her goals. Her life had an A, a B, and a C. There was a slight pause. And then the focus was on me. And I said –

I don’t know.

It was the first time I had ever been real – with myself or with others. But I still felt like a failure. I faintly remember everyone at the table offering up some kind of condolence, some kind of encouragement out of their own disappointment. Here I was with no answer, no foreseeable plan, absolutely nothing. But right when I thought I had reached my breaking point, I actually felt empowered. The words coming out of my mouth – a confession – aligned with my mind. I was speaking the truth and not holding back. I don’t know what I want to do with my career or with my life, and you know what? That’s quite all right. I have nothing but time. We have nothing but time.

As recruiting season officially starts up, seniors will begin to run around campus as little stress balls full of anxiety, nerves, and espresso. Given the pressure we’re under to find a career or post-graduation path, can you blame us for acting this way? We have to know what we want to do or else we’re no longer interesting. We are deemed confused, lazy, and unmotivated. But I’m sorry to admit, that is absolutely not true. If I learned anything from saying “I don’t know,” it’s that there is way too much pressure on knowing what our next move is. I can barely decide on a new Netflix series to start after binge watching Gilmore Girls for the third time. Kudos to the people who have a plan, I certainly envy you. But to my fellow “I don’t know-ers,” we’re no less motivated, no less worthy, and no less important than our peers who have an A, a B, and a C.

Let’s change the dialogue. Let’s change the attitude towards not knowing. Because, in fact, it isn’t not knowing – it’s embracing chance.

What Taylor Swift and Anne Hathaway Didn’t Tell Me: Interning in NYC Edition

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In her “Welcome to New York” ballad, Taylor Swift speaks of bright lights and bustling streets. In The Devils Wears Prada, Anne Hathaway’s character enters magazine publishing with wide eyes, a vulnerable heart, and a lumpy khaki blazer. What, you may ask, connects the two? Well first off, the city that Swift glamorizes and the city that Hathaway tries to navigate is the same place: New York City. Their second connection? I listened to and watched both on my way to NYC this summer. I was equally as sparkly as Swift’s lyrics and equally as optimistic as Hathaway. I was envisioning all possible scenarios, dreaming big, but also completely naïve. I had no idea what to expect. But luckily, everything worked out for the best. I didn’t turn into Hathaway (thankfully), I didn’t transform into the glamorous Swift-ian city-goer (darn), but I did learn more about magazines and myself than I ever imagined possible. If you’re interested in knowing what Taylor Swift and Anne Hathaway didn’t prepare me for this summer, but what I actually managed to learn on my own, read on:

  1. People are great
    Specifically, networking with people is great. One of the most fulfilling experiences I had this summer was meeting with alumnae, going to lunch with the people I worked with, and making genuine connections with professionals. Not only does networking get SO MUCH EASIER with practice, you will also find yourself wanting to network at any given chance. The key, I learned, to networking is to never doubt yourself. It’s hard to say “be yourself” because chances are a lot of us don’t really know who we are just yet. But what I did, and what you can do too, is silence that voice in your head that is making you apprehensive. You are worthy of anyone’s time, now go for it.
  2. Asking questions is a learned skill
    Start with what you know, then follow with a question. The best thing I improved upon this summer was how I asked questions. For example, I would say “I know that we receive RFPs from advertisers first, but my question now is – what work then needs to be done on our end?” You’ll let the person know how brilliant you are, but that you also want to learn more. But don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know anything. For instance, I asked on multiple occasions: “What’s an RFP?”
  3. Business casual is cool, even when the weather is not
    Yes, I wear business casual on a daily basis. I love a good ballet flat, ask any of my friends. But Claremont weather is much, much different than NYC weather. The key to living in hot, humid weather while also being on a budget? Creativity. I brought a grand total of three pencil skirts, two button-down blouses, and a variety of other professional-ish clothes with me. And I still managed to dress myself for 10 weeks. I realized that I didn’t need a huge salary to keep my outfits interesting and different. I even snuck in a crop top to work (shh, don’t tell my supervisors).
  4. A Scripps degree (or any liberal arts degree) is actually pragmatic
    I felt smart this summer. Like genuinely intelligent. Although I was primarily assisting in client relations from the advertising sales side of ELLE DECOR Magazine, many of the things I’ve learned at Scripps came into play. As an English major, it’s my job to write goodly. But from the interdisciplinary and analytic thinking skills I’ve acquired over the years, I was able to easily adapt, learn, and process information this summer. I was assigned a final project that had me connect interior design to banking. Say whaaat? But due to Scripps’ challenging courses and encouragement to actually think, I had no problem doing my job. And I am so thankful for that.
  5. Bagels are better in NYC
    This has absolutely no connection to anything career related, but it’s true. And you know Ms. Swift doesn’t eat bagels, so take it from me.