Tag Archives: Here begins new life

What It Means to Be a Senior

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You might have noticed that it’s getting a little tense around campus right now. Midterms have descended upon us and finals don’t seem far off either. On top of all that, it’s almost summer meaning it’s time for everyone to solidify internships, volunteer work, and summer jobs and seniors have to come to terms with the G word (Content warning: DETAILS YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW. SENIORS DO NOT CLICK THE LINK). While I know everyone is stressed, I’m going to be selfish and focus on the seniors, but hopefully everyone can learn a little something about what seniors are dealing with right now. It’s hard to understand until you’re in it, but I’ll do my best…

Countdowns and LastsI took what is probably going to be my last exam in college last week. We’ve completed our last spring break. We’re working on our last research papers. We’ve attended our last Wedding Party. We’re counting down until thesis is due (and hoping time will slow down), until we get a job (and hoping time will speed up and bring that offer sooner), until Senior Week (and hoping thesis will be done and jobs will be acquired by that point), and finally until Commencement. Even though we try not to think about these things, we still do. About 20 times a day, at least. So if your senior friend is staring off into space with a terrified look on her face, don’t ask what they’re thinking, it’s so hard to say out loud.

Plans (ahem… Plans to have plans… or Plans to make plans to have plans…)

Don’t ask what our plan is for after graduation. Yes, it is a better question than, “Do you have a job?” “Have you heard back from *Grad School Name Here*?” “So, you should hear back from Fulbright soon, right?” But asking about our “plans” is not much better, because our plans never really feel like enough. We plan to get jobs, go to grad school, or get a fellowship, but until we hear back, this plan feels really flimsy. We plan to live in the city of our choice, BUT THAT DEPENDS ON THE PREVIOUS PLAN DOESN’T IT?! We plan to stay in touch with all of our current friends, but when they aren’t 30 seconds away… what do we do then? Seriously. Someone tell me what to do about that.

Classes

Somehow, despite daily existential crises, we’re supposed to write papers, finish problem sets, do readings thoroughly, attend labs, and uphold our GPA while simultaneously dealing with everything you’ve read above. But if seniors are asking for extensions, they’re probably just being lazy… Let me tell you, senioritis is much more than not wanting to do work, it’s not having time to do work because of everything else we are expected to accomplish.

Life

Seniors have all of the above on their to do lists, but there’s one thing we desperately want to make a priority: our lives, not the future grown-up lives, not the past student lives, our current lives. We want to make the most of the time we have left with our friends, because after May 16th, we might not be in the same country, let alone the same state or city. We want to get two-hour dinners reminiscing about the fools we were first year. We want to sit out on Jaqua and admire that we might never live somewhere this beautiful again. We want to talk to our professors about more than the subjects they teach because this could be the last time we’re surrounded by so many intelligent people in all disciplines. We want to run to our mentors and ask, “WHAT HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN TO TEACH ME?! TEACH ME NOW BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE 6 WEEKS LEFT.” 6 weeks is nothing.

So go hug the seniors in your life, because they don’t know if you’ll be close enough to hug them after May 16th, take advantage of it now.

Behind every great Scrippsie…

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On my second full day at Scripps, I stood outside of Clark hugging my mom and choking back tears. She was heading to the airport to fly back to Missouri and I was SO NOT READY for this reality check. I was homesick, my roommate was weird, my dorm was a labyrinth, my professors were intimidating, and I couldn’t remember anyone’s name. Yet, in a random moment of wisdom, I told my mom, “I can’t wait for 3 weeks from now.” I figured in 3 weeks homesickness would’ve worn off, my roommate’s weirdness would be less obvious, I’d be able to navigate my dorm, my professors would seem friendlier, and names would get easier.

You might be wondering why I’m telling a story from 3+ years ago? Well, I’ve thought about that moment many times over the past week. Scripps started out as this scary foreign place and some time between that hug with my mom and right now, it became my home. (In case you were wondering, it may have taken more than 3 weeks…)

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Yeah, that’s cheesy, and I’m only kind of sorry about the sappiness, because it’s what you get for reading a blog by a second semester senior.

College is an odd place where friends, family, academics, and work merge; and it’s really quite hard to separate them. Sometimes it’s awkward, like when your professor sees your running to the dining hall in your PJs because you’re about to miss breakfast or when you’re hanging out in Seal Court with your significant other and your boss walks by… But other times it’s really great.

Last week was full of reminders of the “really great.”

It’s the time of year where seniors have to start making really terrifying decisions and I can’t imagine making them without the support of the amazing people here. The weird roommate from first year is still the one who gives me pep talks when I stop believing in myself. Those people whose names I couldn’t keep track of on that first day are some of the same people I eat lunch with twice a week. I call many professors by their first names and I know to make a beeline to the FGSS office when I need advice and perspectives. I spend inordinate amounts of time in CP&R, an office that could seem scary, yet all of the staff members manage to navigate their roles as my bosses and advisors, while also being the most supportive and empowering friends/mentors I could have hoped to have.

As for the other scary aspects, I now get homesick when I leave Scripps. And in regards to the dorms, I can safely maneuver through most of them. (Though I have yet to discover where Dorsey begins and Browning ends.)

So much has changed since that second day when I hugged my mom goodbye. I gained a home, a sense of independence, and a new type of family. As awkward as it can be to merge all my worlds, it’s hard to imagine life without the weird roommate living just feet from me, or the long lunches (that consist of mostly ice cream) with my friends, or the constant inspiration I get from the CP&R staff.

I know that all of these people, and more, helped get me to where I am today and they’ll help me make it to the finish line so I can walk down Elm Tree Lawn in my green robe. So I guess I’m writing this sappy post to make sure they know that I appreciate absolutely everything they’ve done, and because even after I’m holding my diploma I don’t want to imagine my life without them.

Why It’s Ok to Freak Out About Graduation

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Today I got a text message about a bachelorette party that sent me into existential-crisis-panic-mode. I’m pretty sure this is not a normal reaction to such a text. (FYI: I’m quite excited for this bachelorette party and to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends.) It was the proposed date of the party that scared me: August 2015.

You know what I should be doing in August? Packing, finishing up an internship, enjoying the last home-cooked meals before I return to dining halls… But not this August. I don’t know what I’ll be doing in August 2015. For the last 16 years of my life August has always meant “BACK TO SCHOOL PREP” until this year.

I know I’m not the only senior who feels this way. In fact, I’ve talked to a different senior every day for the past week about these feelings. However, I’ve spent most of those conversations being the consoling friend assuring them, “You can do this.” “It’s going to work out, no matter what.” “You’ll find something soon!” “Whatever, you were too good for that job anyway.” “Isn’t it kind of fun that the world is full of possibilities?”

Well, friends, I am here to tell you that I think I might’ve been a little too casual with my responses. It’s absolutely terrifying.

But at least red pandas feel it too. (Source: forGIFs.com)

Don’t get me wrong, I still think we can do this (because we have to). It really is going to work out (what other choice do we have?!). We will find the perfect job (and if not, maybe the next one will be it!). You were definitely too good for that job (because you’re brilliant and it’s ridiculous that you didn’t get it). And there are definitely a lot of exciting possibilities (TOO. MANY. CHOICES.).

But we get to be terrified in the process.

I’m realizing that now is an ok time to be terrified, because it’s way better to be scared and confused in a place that feel relatively safe, in a place we can ask for help and guidance. We’re surrounded by resources. We can go cry to a counselor in a CP&R appointment; don’t worry, we all do it and it helps. We can talk to our professors; rumor has it, they do more than just assign readings and grade essays. We can ask around campus about recommendations and connections; apparently this is called “networking” in the Real World, but here it’s called “lunch at Malott while I wear sweats.”

Lastly, we can talk to each other. That’s my favorite option because we all get it. And because it gives us an opportunity to remind each other that we’re going to stick it out together. We’ll be there to help each other begin a new life, just like we did when we met here three and a half years ago. We really can do this, and I think being scared is part of the process.