Tag Archives: sappy senior

Looking Out On The Final Stretch

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It is now my last semester at Scripps. This is not a statement, but an attempt to remind myself of a fact that constantly slips to the periphery. I won’t go so far as to say “I can’t believe it’s my last semester,” because it’s a fact that I just accept as true. But I can’t really comprehend what it means. It’s similar to my inability to comprehend the reality of news that happens far away, or the magnitude of the world’s population. I don’t doubt that these things are true, but they don’t feel present or immediate.

Sometimes the fact that after this semester, I will never return to Scripps feels so true that I am filled with butterflies of excitement and anxiety. I feel this way when I make concrete plans for my post-graduation life, such as the celebratory bike tour my best friend and I just finished planning. When I picture us with our bikes loaded up with gear, riding up the East Coast from South Carolina all the way to Quebec City, I suddenly am able to imagine a future with a wide expanse of discovery and opportunity. Granted, I understand my post-graduate life is mostly not going to involve riding my bike around the country. Just the fact that I have this single plan in place, however, makes everything else- like the grad school applications I will not complete for another year, and their even more uncertain responses- feel simultaneously more imaginable and manageable. The uncertainty feels less daunting, and more like a challenge to seize new opportunities. I can’t wait to see what will unfold from each of these new experiences.

Most of the time, however, the idea of leaving Scripps seems too abstract to comprehend. Scripps is a place that has taken care of me. I’ve been guided by Professors and advisors who had my best interests at heart, and been surrounded by both friends and like-minded peers who have offered support and influenced my ideas. Completing my bachelor’s degree has provided me with a constant goal that has kept me in motion, even when the details of my aspirations and future plans have been murky. I’m not sure what it will be like to leave behind the professors who were lenient with me when I was having a tough time, but pushed me when I needed to be pushed, or what it will be like to move away from my best friend who has always just been a text away if I needed her to drop by my room. I’m not sure what it will be like to not have grades to motivate me, or a professor helpfully reminding me of due dates.

On the other hand, I also have a hard time imagining what it’s like to not live in as high-stress an atmosphere as the Claremont Colleges, to be surrounded constantly by high-achieving peers with whom I constantly compare myself. I don’t know if I remember what it’s like to have a life that doesn’t revolve around one thing (school). Will it feel more or less stressful? Will I thrive in this more independent phase of life that I am fast approaching, or will the transition period be long and rough? I suspect it will be somewhere in the middle, that some things will feel harder and some things easier, and that there will be at least one aspect of life I will miss bitterly that I barely even notice now.

I’ve always liked endings. They provide an opportunity for reflection, and these are all the thoughts that I am processing, even as I am 3 ½ months away away from graduation.
Whether or not I am able to comprehend what comes after leaving Scripps, something about this semester already feels different. There is a sense of both urgency and hope, of youth and getting older, an end and a beginning.

Behind every great Scrippsie…

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On my second full day at Scripps, I stood outside of Clark hugging my mom and choking back tears. She was heading to the airport to fly back to Missouri and I was SO NOT READY for this reality check. I was homesick, my roommate was weird, my dorm was a labyrinth, my professors were intimidating, and I couldn’t remember anyone’s name. Yet, in a random moment of wisdom, I told my mom, “I can’t wait for 3 weeks from now.” I figured in 3 weeks homesickness would’ve worn off, my roommate’s weirdness would be less obvious, I’d be able to navigate my dorm, my professors would seem friendlier, and names would get easier.

You might be wondering why I’m telling a story from 3+ years ago? Well, I’ve thought about that moment many times over the past week. Scripps started out as this scary foreign place and some time between that hug with my mom and right now, it became my home. (In case you were wondering, it may have taken more than 3 weeks…)

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Yeah, that’s cheesy, and I’m only kind of sorry about the sappiness, because it’s what you get for reading a blog by a second semester senior.

College is an odd place where friends, family, academics, and work merge; and it’s really quite hard to separate them. Sometimes it’s awkward, like when your professor sees your running to the dining hall in your PJs because you’re about to miss breakfast or when you’re hanging out in Seal Court with your significant other and your boss walks by… But other times it’s really great.

Last week was full of reminders of the “really great.”

It’s the time of year where seniors have to start making really terrifying decisions and I can’t imagine making them without the support of the amazing people here. The weird roommate from first year is still the one who gives me pep talks when I stop believing in myself. Those people whose names I couldn’t keep track of on that first day are some of the same people I eat lunch with twice a week. I call many professors by their first names and I know to make a beeline to the FGSS office when I need advice and perspectives. I spend inordinate amounts of time in CP&R, an office that could seem scary, yet all of the staff members manage to navigate their roles as my bosses and advisors, while also being the most supportive and empowering friends/mentors I could have hoped to have.

As for the other scary aspects, I now get homesick when I leave Scripps. And in regards to the dorms, I can safely maneuver through most of them. (Though I have yet to discover where Dorsey begins and Browning ends.)

So much has changed since that second day when I hugged my mom goodbye. I gained a home, a sense of independence, and a new type of family. As awkward as it can be to merge all my worlds, it’s hard to imagine life without the weird roommate living just feet from me, or the long lunches (that consist of mostly ice cream) with my friends, or the constant inspiration I get from the CP&R staff.

I know that all of these people, and more, helped get me to where I am today and they’ll help me make it to the finish line so I can walk down Elm Tree Lawn in my green robe. So I guess I’m writing this sappy post to make sure they know that I appreciate absolutely everything they’ve done, and because even after I’m holding my diploma I don’t want to imagine my life without them.