Tag Archives: Negotiation

The Breakup

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Have you ever noticed that this whole job/internship search process is a lot like dating? You express interest in someone, have a few extended conversations to see if personalities click, and there’s eventually a proposal. (Ok, maybe that’s a little quick, but you get the idea.) You get butterflies when there’s a company you’re particularly excited about; you get excited thinking about your future together; you look forward to the ways that you will help each other become better. Unfortunately this comparison extends to the bad things… and that includes The Breakup.

Today I broke up with the company that I thought I wanted to work for. In fact, about 6 months ago I was convinced that I was going to be working there. But like our dating lives, a lot can change in 6 months. Breakups aren’t fun, very few people actually enjoy them, but sometimes they are necessary. My (organizational) breakup was necessary, and I’d like to tell you why in hopes that it can help you at some point.

The Process
The application/interview/negotiation process can tell you a lot about an organization. Yes, you are doing what you can to impress them, but they should also be trying to impress you. You should follow all the networking rules and make them feel special, and they should treat you with respect and spend time showing you their best qualities. (See? Dating. Totally dating.) 

The Right Place
I might be a little idealistic, but go with me for a sec. I feel like there is a right place for me. There are certain qualities that I’m looking for in an organization, and while part of me wants to settle because I desperately want a job, I’m also trying to maintain some standards. I think this is an ok thing to do because a company wants to find candidates who fit with their organizational culture as well. So if you’re breaking up with the company because it doesn’t feel like the right place it might be best for everyone.

The People
I’m not the kind of person who wants to be best friends with everyone I work with; I have great friends, I don’t expect this relationship to provide for all my needs. (Hehe, see what I did there?) That said, I want to look forward to going to work, and that has a lot to do with the organizational culture, but also the people. If everyone I work with is heads down all day, eating lunch alone, leaving right at 5pm, and never telling me my hair looks good (or doesn’t look good, for that matter), I probably don’t want to work there. We don’t have to be besties, but I do want to have some fun! (Even if that means making fun of me…)

The Gut Feeling
Honestly, if it doesn’t feel right anymore, that says something. That was the biggest sign for me. You can trust your gut feelings; you have them for a reason. If you feel like the organization isn’t the place for you, you don’t need any excuses, rationalizations, or justifications. You are the only one who needs to be convinced.

Ultimately, my prospective organization did not come through for me in all of these ways, so I severed ties nicely; our friendship might be awkward for a few weeks, but our mutual friends won’t have to stress about inviting both of us to parties in the future. We might even introduce each other to new prospective partners; just because they weren’t right for me doesn’t mean they won’t work well for someone else.

So, in the wise words of Emma Stone (in Friends with Benefits):
**Organization Name Here**, it’s not you…

Learning to “Ask for It”

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I have a new obsession, and for once, it’s unrelated to Gilmore Girls. I’m obsessed with learning about negotiation.

Pretty weird focus considering the amazing alternatives that Netflix supplies. (Source: giphy.com)

Before winter break, I planned to prepare for my job offer negotiations by eating a lot of chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream and Golden Oreos. However, this plan was probably not going to be productive, especially when I remembered that during the “Bridging the Gender Gap” workshop last semester I learned that the first negotiation is crucial for defining the rest of our careers, from title, to bonuses, to salary. Obviously, it was going to take more than a lot of junk food.

In CP&R there is an entire section of the library dedicated to Job Offers and Negotiation, and in it I found the book, Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever. If you have any qualms about negotiation (regardless of your gender identity!) I highly recommend this book. Not only did it help me understand why I need to negotiate (and subsequently motivated me to do so), but Babcock and Laschever talk through strategies to help with the process itself.

So I know that everyone reading this post has ample free-time because it’s not like we are swamped with classes, theses, extra-curriculars, job searches, and, you know, Tumblr. But in case you don’t have the time to read Ask for It right now, I thought I’d tell you how it allayed my particular concerns…

WHY AM I DOING THIS?!

The first line of the book illustrated my feelings about negotiation perfectly. “If you’re a woman, you probably have a voice inside your head that whispers: ‘Are you sure you’re as good as you think you are?” (Once again, this can apply regardless of gender identity…) I totally have that voice. That voice wants me to take whatever is offered because it thinks that offer will be the only one and it’ll be the best I can possibly get. Babcock and Laschever remind us otherwise. “That voice is not the voice of experience and it’s not your common sense. It’s not even your voice. It’s the voice of a society that hasn’t progressed nearly as far as we like to think, a society that’s still trying to tell [people] how they should and shouldn’t behave.” And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from our Scripps education, it’s that we’re NOT going to let this patriarchal society dictate our behavior, so that’s why we’re doing this.

WHERE DO I BEGIN?!

We begin by realizing that negotiating isn’t just for the Big Things like a job offer or a pay raise; we do it, or don’t do it, every day. Personally, I don’t want to ask for help on my CS5 homework because I don’t want to inconvenience my friends. Sometimes, I refrain from asking if the workload in a group project can be redistributed so I don’t have to pull an all-nighter. These examples, and more, fit under the negotiation definition that Babcock and Laschever created for us. Realizing that it’s ok to take up space and ask for things in our daily lives is our practice for those Big Things, simply because we’re learning how to ask. You can start by asking for something easy, like requesting that your lab group meets at a different time that’s better for you, and work your way up. Sometimes we’re going to hear, “no,” and that’s ok. It’s not a reflection on us and it’s not a reason to stop asking.

HOW DO I PREP FOR THOSE BIG THINGS?!

Ok, I’ll admit, there’s not quite as much as stake when you’re asking your partner to make dinner three times a week as when you’re negotiating your starting salary… However, this is the moment when you get to do something you’re already great at: research. We do it daily for classes, now we just have to apply it to the real world. Using sites like glassdoor.com you can learn what the salary is for a similar position in the same location. These numbers will help you create a salary range. You can also research similar positions’ job requirements, so you can see how your qualifications stack up against others’. Additionally, you need to keep in mind that negotiation can apply to more than your salary; it can cover everything from you title to your start date to a signing bonus. Then you write out your goals and AIM HIGH. And you trust me that you’re worth whatever number/title/date/bonus you wrote there, and you’re probably worth more. (Or you can make the time to read Ask For It, and you’ll believe it!)

Negotiation is scary and it’s not going to be easy, but it’s unquestionably worth it. Below you’ll find some other links that can help with the process, but they aren’t our only resources. Please comment with your own experiences and advice so we can work together to make this process less intimidating!

Online Resources:

http://www.wageproject.org/

http://www.glassdoor.com/

http://www.aauw.org/