Category Archives: Dani

Technology: It’s a Love/Hate Relationship

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When I was younger, I went through a period around 6th grade when I was a voracious reader. I loved the adrenaline rush and comfort I got from turning pages and seeing myself get closer to the end. I loved lying in my bed and becoming so absorbed in a book that I lost all sense of time and space, and my eyes began to hurt from staring for so long.

giphyMy mom would occasionally brag to her friends that I was an “avid reader,” and it would always make me feel so proud, especially because throughout middle school I had for the most part thought I was “dumb,” or at least not as intelligent as I thought I should be. Thus, reading was something I truly did enjoy, and it was also something that felt like it was satisfying while being productive.

Sadly though, as tends to happen, over the years I became busier and more bogged down in schoolwork, and reading “for pleasure” became less of a priority. Especially in high school when my days were packed and I sometimes wouldn’t get home until 8pm or later, I really didn’t have the mental energy or the time to spend a ton of time reading. Of course, I read a lot of material for school, including many novels that I enjoyed highly, but I seldom read books out of my own volition. Instead, I developed the habit of going on my phone to unwind and de-stress. I downloaded Instagram and Facebook apps on my phone, and soon, the hours I used to spend lying in bed reading morphed into hours in bed mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed. The worst part is that this habit still continues to this day, and it has actually gotten significantly worse.Signs-Youre-Addicted-Instagram

The reason I bring all of this up, is because technology is inevitably tied to the daily lives of college-students and our professional careers. Even for non-STEM majors like myself, technological savviness and expertise seems vital for most careers. Before coming to college, I cannot tell you the number of people who suggested I take a “computer science” course, or that I learn to code, because that was “what companies are looking for these days.”

I one hundred percent agree that in 2017, it is absolutely necessary to have a pretty solid understanding of computers, how they work, and how to use them. However, I also have been reflecting a lot on my technology usage lately, and I’ve been realizing that I don’t always use it responsibly, or for the right reasons. Likewise, the more time I spend looking at a screen, the less happy and fulfilled I tend to feel. Of course, everything is okay in moderation, and using technology to assist me in my research, to watch an inspiring video, or to teach myself a new skill, might be positive ways to utilize the internet, but more often than not, I end up logging on to watch random comedians on YouTube at 2am when my eyes are already heavy from exhaustion.

My main takeaway for myself is that I am not a “technology person,” and while I generally know how to use basic forms of technology to get by, a heavily technology-based field is certainly not my calling. Just because computer science is a lucrative and rewarding major or field for some, doesn’t mean it is for me. My twin brother for instance, is a computer science major, and he really does seem to enjoy coding, making digital video games and animations, and just generally using technology. I, on the other hand, am much more inclined to sit outside with a sketchbook and a latte and watch people pass by. I also have not yet managed to find the self control to use technology in a way that doesn’t waste my time or make my brain feel like mush, so this is a skill I am constantly working on.

In the future, I’m really hoping that I will be able to find a career that limits my technology use. This might not be very feasible, but I’m trying to remain hopeful that I won’t have to stare at a computer screen or enter data into spreadsheets. Likewise, I remember when I was younger and my mom and her friends would ask me “what I wanted to be when I grew up,” I would often reply with: “I’m not sure, but I just know I don’t want to stare at a computer all day.” This sentiment still holds true.

Hopefully this summer I will have a job or internship of some sort, and after a full day of work, I can come home, and open a stained, frayed book rather than staring at a shiny computer screen.

Image Source: Giphy.com

Dealing with Grief and Loss in the Workplace

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CP&R Blogger Dani shares her thoughts on dealing with grief in the workplace

Source: Faces and Voices of Recovery Website

Source: Faces and Voices of Recovery Website

Death is one of those confusing and abstract forces that affects individuals in such varied and tangible ways. It can be extremely painful, and at times it can seem to permeate and envelop our entire beings.

We all have likely lost one or more loved ones at some point or another. Perhaps it never gets easier with each loss, but perhaps things get easier over time as we find new ways to deal with grief and negative emotions that once seemed to be all-consuming. Everyone deals with grief differently, and the stages, emotions, and thought-processes can not be necessarily tightly summarized into a linear progression. Suffering is valid in any and all of its manifestations, and you should never apologize for your pain; it is what makes you human.

One odd thing about death that I often think about is how disheartening it can feel when life keeps going and you are forced to keep going as well, even when all you want to do is just curl up in a ball and tune the world out. Even when it feels like the world you know is ending, in actuality, the sun keeps rising, the birds keep chirping, and your heart keeps beating. As I’m sure many of us have experienced, It can prove really difficult to resume daily life and become re-absorbed in one’s usual routine when such a large-scale disruption occurs. Dealing with grief in the workplace or in any other professional environment can be another added layer of exhausting, on top of just trying to get through the day. Many bloggers and writers have addressed this topic, and many experts have empirically noted the general lack of focus and productivity that often occurs when someone is grappling with loss. For example, a 2003 “Grief index study,” found that seventy five percent of study participants indicated that their productivity was limited significantly beyond the amount of time they were allowed to take off. In addition, when participants were asked to estimate the number of days “lost” as a result of decreased focus, 50 percent reported that this translated over to at least 30 days, and 20 percent reported that it translated to significantly longer than that. These “lost” days are not only painful, but also dangerous, and can result in poor decision-making, poor supervisory skills, and increased workplace accidents and injuries.

Nothing can completely remove the aching pain of a loss, but managers, supervisors, professors, presidents, etc. can always perform small acts of kindness and compassion that may help alleviate some pain and discomfort. For example, in a blog article titled “How to Handle and Help with Workplace Grief,” helpful tips and guides for both supervisors and co-workers are provided. One of the tips provided for bosses was to evaluate the grieving employee’s workload and distribute tasks among other employees, as well as to cancel or reschedule any necessary meetings during the employee’s absence. The key thing is to be flexible, and to expect productivity, but to acknowledge that cognitive skills and focus will likely be decreased for awhile. On a personal note, it can be helpful and thoughtful for a supervisor and an employer team to send flowers or a card to show that they care and are thinking of the bereaved employee.

And while it is not always feasible to for employees or students to take large chunks of time off from work or school, it is important for individuals to know themselves and their needs, and to assess if taking time off to properly grieve would beneficial for the mental, spiritual and physical health, or if resuming daily life and using it as a distraction would be more effective in the long run.

In essence, however an individual chooses to grieve, it is vital that they know they are not alone, and that there are often plenty of friends, family, and professionals who are there to listen and provide solace. Employers, employees, and students alike should remember that work and productivity are important, but so is mental and physical health.  

Sources:

Davidson, Sloane. “How to Handle and Help with Workplace Grief.” Modern Loss. Modernloss, 15 Jan. 2016. Web. 21 Mar. 2017.

Johnson, Judith. “The Death and Dying Series Part Two: Grief in the American Workplace.” The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 03 Feb. 2012. Web. 21 Mar. 2017.

Phone Interviews and the Necessity for Preperation

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I literally jumped out of my seat in Seal Court when I received an email stating that an organization I applied for an internship with wanted to set up an interview. I had been groggily waiting for the Motley to open so I could consume my morning coffee, but this did an even better job than caffeine at sending an adrenaline rush through my body. I was overjoyed to hear back so quickly, and I think my response back sounded almost too eager, but it least they knew I was excited, right?

A few weeks later, I got ready for my interview. It was set for 1:30 in the afternoon, and I got off a Motley shift at 1:00, giving me just enough time to briskly walk over to my dorm and begin preparation. I decided I would skype from my dorm room instead of a public area, so I wanted to make sure my room looked presentable. I made my bed which was visible in the camera lens (unfortunately this a rare occurrence for me,) and I put on makeup and a nice top.

In all honesty, I had only set up my Skype account the day before, and I didn’t realize that it takes a full 24 hours before your account is activated. Thus, when the person interviewing me called, it went to my phone rather than Skype. I picked up, and embarrassingly explained that “I guess my Skype isn’t working.” She also apologized, as she was convinced that her internet was spotty and it was her side that wasn’t working.

We ended up just doing a phone interview, and other than my initial embarrassment, it went well. I tried to stay true to myself and give honest, thoughtful answers. For example, one of the last questions the interviewer asked me was what my “dream job” was. This is one of those questions that I never know how to answer. I could have just made something up that I thought tailored to the goals and needs of this specific internship, but instead I was honest, and explained that I wasn’t sure yet, but I had some ideas, and some qualities I would ideally look for in a job. While it is definitely vital to act calm, collected, and confident during an interview, I think in the case of an internship interview like this that is more informal than other job interviews, it is preferable to be genuine rather than forced.

Me, desperately trying to ace my phone interview.

Me, desperately trying to ace my phone interview.

Overall, I did prepare for my interview in certain areas, but not enough in others. I heavily researched the organization I was applying to and all it entailed, but I hadn’t figured out some of the logistical details such as sufficiently setting up a Skype account. Next time, I will make sure to learn from my mistakes, and spend more time making sure my technology is sound, rather than spending those extra ten minutes fixing my mascara.

Family Weekend Musings and Advice from my Role Models

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A few weekends ago, my mom and her friend from college came to visit for Family Weekend. We had the most amazing time, filled with hiking, delicious food, deep, meaningful conversations, SNL, and lots of silly mom jokes. While the weekend was certainly comprised of mostly fun and games, we also spent some time talking about my future plans pertaining to careers, majors, and study-abroad programs.

These topics mostly came up on our last full day together, when my mom Jane, her friend Lauren and I stopped at one of my favorite spots in town—Last Drop Cafe—in the Village, to pick up some caffeinated drinks and sandwiches to have a little picnic on the Pomona lawn. I had introduced myself to the owner, who was making our drinks, because I had remembered him from a presentation he gave to the Motley Coffeehouse employees (his cafe supplies a lot of our baked goods). He was really friendly and talked to the three of us for a few minutes. After we got our food and were on our way to campus, I mentioned how amazing it was that he seemed to love his job and get genuine joy out of making people happy, one latte and cookie at a time. This conversation soon morphed into musings related to careers in general, and Lauren and my mom were both curious and eager to discuss my future plans.

Since Lauren seemed to have a lot of experience surrounding careers and life in general, I asked for her opinion on what she pictured me doing down the road. I know what I don’t want to do, but when I try to solidify what it is I do want to do, things get a bit muddier.

The previous night, Lauren had shared the entire story of how she ended up becoming a physician’s assistant, along with all of the bumps and divots that got her there. It wasn’t her initial plan at all, but it ended up being a dream that she decided to pursue. She also elaborated on her two kids’ decisions pertaining to majors and jobs. It was really reassuring to hear that people arrive at their careers and goals through all sorts of different paths, that most trajectories are not entirely linear, and that not all people go into college having a “plan.”

Lauren, being the insightful and kind soul that she is, ended up telling me what kind of careers she pictured me doing and why. She provided some really interesting points and justifications that would have never occurred to me. Ultimately, we all have to make our own decisions regarding career choices, but I found it really useful and comforting to obtain advice from a wise and experienced outside source who could assess my strengths and weaknesses more objectively than a family member could. While my mom arguably knows me better than anyone else (even better than myself sometimes,) she can be biased in the sense that she knows I get anxious about my future easily, so her advice is always in the realm of telling me to “worry less,” or “not think about it.” She constantly reassures me that it will “all work out.” While this sort of advice works well for me, I also need the kind of advice provided by Lauren, which can help push me along and ensure that I am taking steps towards whatever goals I have.

Moreover, one of the most important things I gained from my conversion with Lauren was how I need to find a balance between practicality and passion. She stressed the importance of planning ahead, and making sure the decisions I make regarding my major, internships, study-abroad, etc. are rooted in some form of logic and practicality. In other words, she wants to make sure that I have thoroughly considered all of my options and how it will all fit together to get me in a place I want to be.

Overall, I am so lucky that I have strong role-models that have helped guide me in all facets of my life. I hope to continue to learn from others who are older, more experienced, and more insightful than I am. It’s reassuring to realize that I don’t need to figure it all out on my own, and I can always ask for help and guidance. For anyone else out there who feels confused and indecisive, I recommend finding some positive older role-models who can be a source of guidance and support.

T-shirts always convey the truest statements. Source: http://www.inourhands.com/skills-building/positive-role-model/

T-shirts always contain the truest statements.
Source: http://www.inourhands.com/skills-building/positive-role-model/

 

What I Learned From Being Rejected

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I felt my body temperature rise and my jaw start to tense as I clicked on the un-read email:

“Thank you for applying. This year we received an overwhelming number of applications and regret to inform you that you have not been selected to interview for our program.”

Tears started to well in my eyes. I began trying to distract myself with other homework, because I didn’t want to let myself get worked up over this. Even though I had poured my heart out into this internship application, it was competitive and I wasn’t that qualified. I tried to convince myself not to take it personally.

No one likes rejection. However, in retrospect, I really do view it as a learning experience. I tend to get really focused on irrelevant details, and subsequently forget to look at the big picture, and getting rejected helped me broaden my viewpoint and scope immensely. It gave me the impetus to begin thinking about what it really was that I wanted out of an internship, and it gave me the motivation to set up some appointments with people who might be able to help me be more proactive with my search.

Here are a few tips that might be helpful for others facing rejection:

  1. Draw on your resources. There are so many professors, students, and staff members at Scripps and the 5Cs who are more than happy to help and provide their expertise.
  2. Do not take rejection too personally. If you google “Famous and successful people who have failed,” who will find long lists with people like Oprah, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, and Jay-Z. It literally happens to everyone. Instead of letting rejection or failure get you down, use it as fodder to fuel and motivate you to accomplish your goals. Plus, sometimes you might not get an internship or job position because you don’t have the right connections, or you are not qualified enough. These things will come with time, so try not to blame it on some fault of character or lack of intelligence. 
  3. Map out a timeline. Part of what makes job and internship searching so stressful is that deadlines can be spread-out, and it can be easy to lose track of time. It helps me to write deadlines for myself in a planner so that they don’t sneak up on me.

Heeding my own advice is easier said than done, but so far, I’m doing a pretty good job at not letting rejection define my sense of self-worth. Rejection is pretty much inevitable at one point or another, but so is success. Focus on the small successes, forget about the small rejections, and focus on the big picture; you’ll be a lot happier and more motivated to keep moving forward.