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Overcommitting and Learning to Say “No.”

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This past week I have felt particularly overwhelmed with scholarship applications, cover letters for summer jobs, and choir performances coming up, all in addition to keeping up with my classwork, which included writing papers, finish problem sets, and preparing for the last exams before finals.

I am normally pretty good at organizing myself, keeping track of my assignments and projects in my planner, but recently I have not been doing as good a job at keeping up with it. Generally, I do better when I write things down so that I can refer back to my list later, but I have been feeling like I don’t even have enough time to write everything down that I need to do.

I called my mom to talk to her about it and the biggest things she noted were that I had 1. Overcommitted myself this semester, and 2. That it was a result of me having a hard time saying “No.” I have had this discussion with my mom multiple times, because I often overcommitted to activities and clubs in high school. But I have also talked about it with my friends at school, because I know that I am not the only one who suffers from this problem; many of the students at Scripps, and the 5Cs more generally, have a hard time saying “No.” In many ways, I think it speaks to the large number of interests most students here have. I know many people who are tutors, who are on a sports team, and are also science majors. Others are activists, members of multiple clubs, and students abroad. That was one of the first things that drew me to Scripps, but I also think that it can be a detriment to mental health and the ability to enjoy our time here.

My parents always remind me that college should be fun, and that I should be giving myself time to be with my friends and have time to myself. Oftentimes, I feel like I need to be doing something productive all the time, and I am realizing, as more and more time goes by, that, not only is that nearly impossible, but it is so important to have time where you’re not worried about being productive. If you are worried that you might be overcommitting by taking on a new responsibility, here are several things to ask yourself when you are making your decision:

  1. Will this activity make me happy? Is it something I enjoy doing?
  2. How much extra time will this activity require of me, and do I have that time to give? Even if I technically have the time to give, will it use up time I was planning to use for studying or relaxing? Will it create a back to back list of things to do on a certain day?
  3. What part of my overall health is this fulfilling?
  4. Is it something that’s necessary to my overall wellbeing?

If you answer no to any of these questions, it would be worth it to reevaluate why you are considering taking on this new responsibility and really think about what it will add to, or take away from, your life.

Have any other suggestions, or have your own experiences with overcommitting? Share and comment below!

Working with Others

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As the semester drags on, many students like myself are faced with a grim reality. We’ve ignored it, pushed it to the back burner since the beginning of the semester, and hoped that it would simply go away. Group projects, papers, and presentations plague many a classmate and many with whom I’ve spoken believe that they are a creative and cruel ploy by professors to draw us out of our collective shells. Now, for the sake of transparency, as a science student, my classes often come with a additional laboratory component where I am “forced” to work with others. Recently, I’ve been blessed with a tremendous lab group (shout out to my peeps!), though I haven’t been spared of my fair share of challenging pairings in the past. As such, I’ve learned a few things about working effectively and stress-free with your peers.

Try your hardest to synthesize everyone’s POV, including your own. No one can complete everything at once, so learning to be flexible in group scheduling and time management is key. On the other hand, jeopardizing your schedule, or your sanity, doesn’t help anyone either and, if you respect your group members, you should be able to believe that they respect you and your needs. Finding the perfect balance between compromise and firmness may be your greatest asset in group communication. Though it may be hard when one of your group members loses a file or misses a meeting, try to stay calm and understand that every one of your classmates is only human. If needed, set earlier time windows for you and your group members to account for unexpected issue in a calm, collected way. If you find it becoming increasingly difficult to get anything done face-to-face…

Effectively employ social media and alternate forms of communication. When those early birds and night owls get paired together, frustration is bound to rear its ugly head. Use tools like Facebook Chat, texting, and Google Docs to complete your assignments on your own terms and avoid compromises.

Let your voice shine through in the right ways. Often, one of the most difficult parts of group experiences is the synthesizing of individual ideas and styles. It is the individual responsibility of every group member to make sure they are an active part of the project or paper. Using individualized language or verbiage is a subtle way to insert your voice into a cohesive paper, though it is sometimes important to step back and let others shine as well. If possible, compile the ideas of your group members into a cohesive argument that covers all bases. If, like lab groups, you work together on a weekly or monthly basis, this same concept can apply to the contributions you bring to the group. Some weeks you may be able to command the project, while some weeks you may have nothing important to say. While it is important to be always be actively engaged, don’t be afraid to contribute varying amounts. Hopefully, you can take over when someone else is feeling down, and they can support you when you need it. Speaking of,…

Don’t be hesitant to spread the work around. While I know this is not always instinct for some, including myself, you can rely on your group. Though you may want to get work done quickly or ignore assignments completely, know that your group members may be feeling the same. Discuss with them before hand how you believe you will be able to contribute, so you can all understand from the start how your group style may eventually develop. Your group members may be happy to pick up the slack occasionally, and maybe you can pick up some of theirs every now and again.

The number one rule in group assignments is communicate and address problems should they arise. Do not let group problems fester and built up. From my experience, many in-class groups tend to stay together multiple times over the course of a semester, so if you have a problem that is not fixed, it may likely plague you for many projects to come.