Tag Archives: success

“I’m bad at math,” and other lies I tell myself.

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This past week, I found out that I was offered a spot in an internship program that I applied for a few months ago. I am incredibly excited, but most of all I am so relieved that it worked out, and that I have one less thing to worry about.

This internship acceptance came at a good time, especially because these past few months have been filled with constant talk of internships, jobs, majors, study-abroad, housing, and all of the other long-term stuff that sends my mind into an anxious whirlwind. I have had many moments where I have felt like a “failure” for not securing an internship, and for not majoring in something “useful” or “lucrative.”

I recently declared a major in “Humanities: Interdisciplinary Studies in Culture,” and while I think it is a good fit for me, I often find myself wishing that I could have majored in something more “impressive,” like biochemistry or neuroscience. Nothing is stopping me from pursuing those majors, but they just don’t feel like majors that are right for me. In addition, for most of my life I have convinced myself that I am horrible at math and science, which rules out a lot of majors and minors. In hindsight, I think a lot of my hatred for these subjects stems (no pun intended) from some negative experiences I had with these subjects in elementary and middle school. I have told myself that I was bad at certain subjects for so long, that I eventually internalized it and began to hate them as well.

It also doesn’t help that I have a twin brother who is much more mathematically inclined. He is majoring in computer science, and I often find myself jealous of the fact that he is, in my opinion, pursuing such an impressive major.

I have done a lot of reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses this past semester, and I think I have become much more at-peace with the fact that I enjoy social sciences and humanities much more than I enjoy math or most forms of science. The thing is, we need all sorts of people in the world, and the fact that I am not going down a pre-med track does not make me any less valuable as a human, it just means I have different interests, strengths, and goals than some other people. Does the fact that I’m not majoring in a STEM field make me ‘less smart’ or ‘less hard-working?” Not really. Will people judge me for majoring in a kind of vague and potentially ‘less rigorous’ major? Probably. Does that matter? Not really.

And while I am still pretty convinced that I don’t have a mind that naturally “gets” math, I had a really positive experience with a science class last semester that pushed me outside of my academic comfort zone, and really caused me to rethink some of the lies and half-truths that I tell myself. I took a chemistry class called Land Air and Ocean Science to fulfill my natural science GE, and even though I was filled with trepidation (it had been quite a few years since I had taken a chemistry course,) I ended up LOVING the class. A large part of this was due to the fact that the professor understood that everyone in the class was taking it for their GE, and that many of us did not consider ourselves to be “sciency.” Thus, she tried really hard to make the material clear, engaging, and straightforward. Like I said, I have had some really negative experiences with math and science classes that left me feeling stupid and incompetent, so this class was such a breath of fresh air.

Overall, this class also helped me realize that it is not always helpful to narrowly categorize ourselves. As mentioned, my twin brother and I kind of grew up knowing that he was the “math-and-science-one,” and I was the “reading-writing-social-science-one.” We both placed ourselves in narrow categories that probably did us both a disservice through making us believe that we weren’t really capable of doing the things we were less talented at.

Me, when it comes to math.

Me, when it comes to math.

There have probably been a lot of things I have missed out on in life because I have convinced myself that I’m bad at it. I am now determined to stop categorizing myself in unhelpful ways, so that I will be more willing to go out of my comfort zone and try new things—even if I fail at first. Honestly, if I ended up loving a chemistry class—something I never thought was possible—then I can imagine there are so many other “lies” I tell myself that are probably not entirely valid. In the end, I have mostly come to terms with the fact that it’s okay for me not to love certain subjects, but I am also determined to challenge some of my internalized notions about what I “like” and “don’t” like, and I suggest that we all try this exercise out more often.

Cookie Cutters, Time Machines, and Lots and Lots of Questions

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If, someday, I miraculously came into contact with a working, reliable, and free-to-use time machine, you better believe I would make the most of it. Ultimately, I would probably want to go back and give myself some advice on how to make the most of high school, college, and everything in between (first tip would be to my 8th grade self: girl, please let a professional handle your eyebrows this early in the game…..seriously). Now that I’m a senior, and the end of my time at Scripps rapidly draws nearer and nearer, I think I’m pretty qualified to go back and give myself some guidance, especially considering everything that I have learned since starting my first day of high school all those years ago. Sure, I think I handled myself decently well, particularly through some of those awkward years I know we’d all like to forget happened (braces and bad haircuts a terrible sense of fashion, oh my) but there is always some room for improvement. That is why–with the gift of hindsight–I know that, if I had the chance, I’d definitely want to do some of it all over again, and that is precisely the kind of guidance I would want to give young Dorie.

For one thing, the idea that there is any kind of ‘one size fits all’ life plan should be thrown out the window. I remember starting high school and thinking that I would totally have my entire life figured out by the time I graduated–complete with a dream career goal, a solid understanding of myself and what I wanted out of life, and a definite knowledge of where my life was headed. Well, I can confidently say that literally none of those things happened once I crossed the graduation stage with my diploma in hand, and to think that I actually thought it was possible to have all of that figured out at age 18 is just silly to me. I mean, I’m well on my way to turning 22, and I still don’t think I have any of that stuff figured out–nor should I have to! But, again, that’s the beauty of hindsight.

Now, this is not to say that there aren’t people out there who do have their lives all spelled out, with a strong understanding of self, and a feasible and well-structured life plan just waiting to be executed. I know plenty of people, in both high school and in college, that firmly believe in what they are doing, know where they’re going, and are very happy in their decision to follow that path. These kinds of people are amazing! In fact, I used to envy these people, so much so that I tried my hardest to emulate them: picking a specific job title and basing my whole academic and extracurricular life around it, only to quickly realize that that path was not the right one for me. And, the thing is, it’s not the right path for a lot of people–yet we are constantly expected to know the answers to these kinds of things, and make big life choices that will absolutely affect us for the rest of our life before many of us even know what we really want.

It seems to me that my life has been a series of questions since I became a junior in high school: first, it started off with, “So, what colleges are you looking into? Do you know what you want to major in yet?” Then, first semester senior year of high school, it moved into the always enjoyable (especially the 476th time someone asks it–so, so much fun!!!) “So where are you applying? Do you know where you’re going for college? Have you heard back from any schools?” As high school graduation drew near, the questions became more pointed: “Where are you going? Where did you get into? What are you going to study? Did you tour there? Aren’t you excited?” Once I had graduated high school, I naively thought the questions would stop–little did I know that I would be peppered by these same kinds of questions for the next 4 years, varying only slightly to encompass the next big stage of adult life: post-grad plans.

The problem I have with all these kinds of questions is that they inherently equate success and maturity with having a clear and dependable life plan. There is no wiggle room left for the natural uncertainty and feelings of apprehension that–realistically–we have all probably felt when making such huge life decisions at such an important time in our life. I think the constant battery of these questions as we are growing up (for me, these questions started around junior year of high school, but depending on the individual, can often start even before that) has an extremely detrimental effect on the way in which we think we need to function. Had I focused more on exploring my passions and learning more about what I wanted in life, rather than following the standard “X number of AP classes + Y grade point average + Z elected positions on campus = successful high school student” formula that is pushed on us more and more these days, I would most likely be a very different person than who I am today; I might even be a little more secure in knowing exactly what it is I want to get out of life, and who I want to be outside of the bubble of the education system–something I didn’t let myself even question until I stepped on campus and realized how much I had been limiting myself.

What I know now is that there is no cookie-cutter formula to success, and no singular “right” way to get yourself through high school, through college, and out into the real world. There are certainly things that make it easier–like time management, motivation, a strong support system, etc.–but even with these helpful supplements, thinking that everyone needs to do X, Y, and Z in order to be “successful” is one of the most damaging and constricting notions that is repeatedly pushed upon us, and something I think desperately needs addressing.

That’s the advice I would give young Dorie if I could go back in time–if you had the chance, what would you want to say to your past self?

When Life Gives You Lemons…

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When you’re trying to make lemonade, life doesn’t always give you lemons. It’s great if you do get lemons and make lemonade out of them (which you should), but it doesn’t always work that way. Success is hard to achieve. Some people make it look easy to be famous, or have cool jobs, or do really well after school. But for many people, it actually took a long time to get to that place.

Buzzfeed posted a list of people who are super successful now, but weren’t in their twenties. I guess that’s reassuring to know that people like Oprah weren’t always the superstars they are today. But is it really? It’s still terrifying to think about not having a job after you graduate from college, or not having any success with things you’d like to do.

We all have dreams and hopes for ourselves, especially college students after graduation. We’d all like to think that we’ll be doing exactly what we want once we’re out of college. As a first year, I know I shouldn’t be worrying about my future self in four years, but I can’t help it. I feel like as much as you set yourself up for success, it’s all up to whether or not life wants you to have those lemons. I definitely want those lemons, so I’m going to try to start early on my success after college.

What do I think that entails? I think that means going to career fairs, thinking about goals you want to achieve while still in college, making connections, applying for internships… Everything that they say to do in college. And ultimately I feel like even though you can try really hard to get those lemons, sometimes it doesn’t work out right away. But I do know that if you keep trying and stay motivated, you are a lot more likely to get to where you want to be. For some people, life requires more work to earn your lemons.

So You’re in College…Now What? Just ‘Be’

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Ever since I was young, I was enamored by the power of words. Words either in phrases heard over the sounds of a busy street, whispered from one person to the next, or countless quotes all over my computer, my room, or in my head. Often times I look to quotes for career advice on what the heck I should pursue in my looming, exciting, and unknown future. For example, here’s a favorite of mine by Henry David Thoreau, “Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” Okay, so I read this and I realize I should be present in the moment and get focused back on my schoolwork. But this phrase begs the question, what defines success? According to Dictionary.com, success can be defined as “the accomplishment of one’s goals” or the “attainment of wealth.”

Now maybe it’s just societal expectations, but often times it seems that most of our lives are influenced by single choices that greatly impact our future (throwback to SATs, am I right?). Isn’t that what the stress of high school and college is about? Getting good grades, so you can get into college, get better grades, so you can get a job, get a great job so you can ‘be successful.’ Whatever that word may mean to you, it seems that our culture perpetuates the concept that what we do in these precious years of higher education determine the rest of our existence. Why yes, what we do during this time is often indicative of the paths we travel down later in our lives. And yes, this may create stress on what to study, who to be, what internship to apply for, and what campus job to get. But this shouldn’t have to come at the cost of not enjoying our time of newly found independence and self-exploration.

The other, very important side to this coin is enjoying the uncertainty and just ‘being’. Now I am not saying to forget or blow off responsibilities, like that looming Core paper, the Biology midterm, or the scholarship application due in a few days, but here’s what I am saying. It is OKAY to be unsure of what you want to pursue academically, spiritually, and personally. Coming to college is not a size fits all t-shirt where once you put it on, all of a sudden you have a plan setting you up for life. Plans fall through, interests change, and new passions form.

So what do I do next? Well if you are unsure, try new things. Take classes that interest you. Be mindful of certain requirements, but be adventurous enough to follow those passions of yours and take that seemingly awesome Anthro class or course on Green Architecture! College is a time of exploration, so enjoy it. Don’t let the burdens of fulfilling major requirements or increased work load prevent you from joining a new club or apply for the internship you think you will never get, because odds are you are just as worthy as the other applicants!

Also, enjoy the present moment and be grateful for the opportunity of even being educated. Well that’s difficult you say? How can I possibly just ‘be’ when I have fifty thousand things to cross off my to do list. First off, you can do both. Existing peacefully and calmly are not exclusive to productivity, they often enhance it. And secondly, being in the present can help you narrow your dreams for the future by being mindful of your current interests. Don’t believe me? Let’s consider the advice of some other important peeps, shall we?

  • Buddha once said, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
  • Alan Watts, Buddhist philosopher, once stated, “No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.”
  • The wonderful, the legendary, and two of the best songwriters of all time, Paul McCartney and John Lennon, wrote in their enlightening and inspiring song “Let It Be,” “When I find myself in times of trouble/ Mother Mary comes to me/ Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.”
hard-days-night-beatles

Oh how I love you Paul, George, John, and Ringo! Photo via Ultimate Classic Rock

Sooo…let’s just all be like Paul, appreciating the current moment of lifting off and not knowing exactly where we are going to land. Let’s learn to run towards uncertainty, rather than run from it, embrace the unknown, and just ‘be.’ Who knows, maybe this mindful practice will lead you to your newfound academic or personal passion!

In Search of Success

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Before I start, I want to share “Building Nests in Windy Places”— the Scripps 2011 Senior Commencement Speech delivered by Joss Greene. I watched the speech yesterday and was inspired to write this blog post. Joss so beautifully articules everything I have personally been grappling with this past year– how to define success on my own terms, how to achieve a school/life balance that is happy and healthy, and how to envision and start creating a future of fulfillment and value.

Joss opens the speech by challenging the audience with this question: “Who gets to say what is a worthwhile use of your time?” One change I can readily identify in myself since arriving at Scripps is the way I perceive and prioritize my time. I realized after sophomore year that I constantly felt overwhelmed and exhausted from self-imposed stress– activities and classes that I chose of my volition. It occurred to me that I was challenging and pushing myself for the sole reason of testing my limits and capabilities. Instead of being enriching and interesting, these added activities/ projects/ classes drained my time and prevented me from investing energy in other things I enjoy and value– things as simple as my hanging out with my friends, going to the gym, laying in Jaqua, attending discussions and events on campus, etc. Studying abroad fall of my junior year solidified this need for balance. While in India, I found myself perceivably happier on a daily basis because I was able to enjoy and engage fully with the people and places around me. As a result of this mental peace, I learnt better, produced higher quality work, and felt more academically satisfied and accomplished. Returning to Scripps, I began a conscious and active effort to disassociate my self-evaluations of success with external measures of worth– grades, rankings, purely “resume” activities, and so on. This is an incredibly difficult task, especially for someone who has spent the past 20 years deriving their self-worth from these very same standards. However, had I persisted in defining success as the survival of difficulties, I would have risked neglecting and disregarding my interest in public health and social justice. My change in career values came from these shifting understandings of success and happiness.

As Joss addresses in his speech, a critical step in achieving happiness is listening to and respecting our bodies. For me, a huge part of finding balance has been learning to respond to my body’s signals and needs. For instance, this past week was a whirlwind of work and deadlines, and by Friday I was sick with a cold and felt physically tense from residual stress. So on Saturday, instead of forcing myself to write the section of my thesis due next week, I hopped on the Metrolink into L.A. with some friends and romped around the city for a few hours. I returned from a wonderful afternoon outdoors re-energized and mentally prepared to be productive. I will finish my thesis chapter and accomplish the same amount of work whether or not I went to L.A., but now I can approach my tasks with a reinvigorated and healthier state of mind and attitude. I admit, I still religiously consult my color-coded schedule, but the change has been in not letting the to-do lists compromise my day-to-day happiness.

Whatever I do in the future, whether it be working or going back to school or starting a family, I hope to continue striving to re-define success and worth by my own values and intuitions. I hope to find fulfillment in aspects of my life outside of my position, pay, or title. The following quote has been on a sticky-note on my computer for over a year now. The message isn’t revolutionary, just a reminder to pause and consider if I am living up to this ideal. Scripps, where and how do you find balance? What are your standards for success? 

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” –Anonymous